(PNS reporting from PHILADELPHIA) Friends and neighbors of Daniel Cardenas are frantically texting each other this morning after his ex-girlfriend Flora Moreno noticed the 28-year-old regional insurance manager didn’t share a new TGIF meme on his Facebook, something he had done weekly since 2010.
“He’s usually reliable as clockwork,” Moreno noted in a group chat. “He posts something cynical about the work week on Mondays, taco memes on Tuesdays, ‘hump day’ jokes on Wednesdays, some retro shit on Throwback Thursdays, and every Friday, a new Thank God It’s Friday pic.”
The fact that Thursday’s #TBT cover photo (above) remained on Cardenas’ FB wall as of 6 AM PDT Friday morning scared her, she said.
“WTF?” Moreno asked mutual friends. “Do you think Danny is OK? No I am NOT stalking him!”
Cardenas’ Penn State roommate Chaz Stake was also puzzled. “It’s not like him to ghost like this,” he texted. “He’s a regular — you could say anal — kinda guy. In college, he took a dump seven days a week at 6:45 on the button, or toilet, if there was no button available. WINKY EMOJI. ”
“I’m pretty sure it’s not a crisis of faith,” added Danny’s neighbor and confidant Charlene DeBlasio, who also lives in the Peludo Arms apartment complex in Olney. “It’s true that Danny lost his religion after weeks of fasting and ardent prayer failed to get a BJ from that Linda Ducklips downstairs but I’ve been hearing a lot of squeaky noises and moans and ‘Oh God’ from his unit since Labor Day so I think he and the Holy One, Blessed Be He, are BFFs again.”
“That’s why I don’t wanna call the cops like I think he got hurt in an accident or burglary or explosion or something,” DeBlasio continued. “Maybe he’s just having trouble with his phone.”
“Nah. That can’t be it,” Stake countered. “Danny was just bragging he got one of those sweet new state-of-the-art Samsung Galaxy 7s!”
Sperm and egg #TBT image via ETSY’s Knotty Cupcakes.