You’re probably wondering why we’re all gathered here today in one place. Believe me when I say that it’s because we love you, and we care about you and your future.
Brother, that’s why we’re staging this coffee intervention. This shit is getting out of hand.
I’ll admit, as we look back, the signs were clear. So in hopes of preventing other families from going through this nightmare, I’ve put together this list of the Pocho Ocho Top Signs That You or Someone You Know Drinks Too Much Coffee.
Drink it in.
8. Your blood type is Espresso Positive.
7. You’ve Googled coffee enema.
6. Coffee stained teeth improve your smile.
5. You actually know the difference between Venti, Grande, and Mussolini.
4. You don’t call it coffee breath; it’s plain ol’ breath to you.
3. You drink coffee to calm down.
2. You don’t have water at your home; you have pre-coffee mix.
And the Number One Top Sign that You’re Drinking Too much Coffee is …
You started your own fucking coffee company because you wanted a discount on the product.