Pocho Ocho top things people blame on El Chupacabra (videos)

Johnny Depp couldn’t just cop to being a day late to the Japanese press conference. No, this wannabe Tonto had to blame his tardy-ass rudeness on an attack by a cruel and vicious Mexican — El Chupacabra (video, above). And the interpreter and the reporters are all like jajaja WTF but in Japanese. Johnny Depp Bill Murray in Japan, apparently.

But El Deppo wasn’t the first to blame his own bads on this famous Mexican monster. Here are the Pocho Ocho top things people blame on El Chupacabra:

8. The chupacabra ate my homework … AND MY DOG!

7. Sorry for the mess. A chupacabra went through my dirty clothes hamper and left all my chonies in piles on the floor.

6. But Your Honor! I was just estanding on the corner minding my own business when El Chupacabra ran by and handed me that iPhone 6!

5. NorthKorea.gov is temporarily offline because of El Chupacabra. Sorry for the inconvenience.

4. Your Time Warner Cable installation technician will be at your premises between 8AM and 8PM unless chupacabras.

3. I was at a dance when he caught my eye, standin’ all alone lookin’ sad and shy. We began to dance swaying’ to and fro, and soon I knew I’d never let him go. Blame it on the chupacabra!

2. I did not have sexual relations with that chupacabra.

And the numero uno thing people blame on El Chupacabra is…

Not tonight, honey. I have wash my chupacabra.