Breaking: Miami woman reveals plans to quit Facebook

(PNS reporting from MIAMI) South Beach resident Christina Patricia Santiago is planning to leave Facebook on Friday, according to a Status Update she published Sunday night.

Responding to a question from Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, who asked Santiago “What’s on your mind?” when she logged into her account, the 32-year-old media buyer for a boutique advertising firm told 442 Facebook “friends” she does “not have time for this bullshit.”

“Nikki: I don’t care who Selena Gomez is seeing,” she wrote.

“Raul: No, I will not post this poorly-designed image on my status for just 60 minutes to salute people who have, did have or will have cancer. WTF is up with you, Memo? I do not choose to name an ice cream flavor without the letter Q. Rachel: I have no desire to SEE WHAT THIS GIRL TRIED TO WEAR TO SCHOOL! Really, Jason, you’re a furry now? You look so sexy in that kangaroo suit. NOT! Attention Lil Puppet: I will not “Like” your primo in Chicago’s page so he can win the award because it means giving up my info, all my friends info and letting the stupid contest post shit in my status. Marco: Enough with the 80s music videos. Janice: Rand Paul my ass! No, I will not give you my phone number, Mark Zuckerberg! I will go totally batshit crazy if I see one more of my nieces posting cochina pictures in bikinis. You, Dry Cleaner-Owning Guy Down the Street from the office, we all see you flirting with your sancha on her grandson’s graduation photos. That’s sick. And how many taco pictures can you really post, Samantha??? They all look the same!”

“I am outta here on Friday, peeps, when I will delete this page. If we’re friends IRL you know how to find me. Otherwise, I never really liked you that much in junior high anyways, so screw you and your new puppy. Adios, suckers!”

Comments from Santiago’s “friends” were immediately deleted, but the Status Update had 63 “Likes” when this story went to press.

Photo by jasonippolito

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