GOP to spend $10 million further alienating minorities

by Santino J. Rivera on March 18, 2013 in El Now, Pocho Ñews Service

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Reeling from back-to-back presidential losses and struggling to cope with the country’s changing racial and ethnic makeup, the Republican National Committee plans to spend $10 million this year to send hundreds of party workers in white sheets into Hispanic communities to promote its brand.

With Operation Wetback 2016, the committee hopes putting a fresh face on the same old racism will help them net more Hispanic voters.

“Hispanics are so lazy and slow-witted that they won’t be able to do the deep investigation required to see that our effort is a complete and utter sham,” GOP committee head Reince Priebus declared on Meet the Press. “We won’t change any of our hateful and xenophobic policies, but we will definitely alter our marketing pitches to this unambitious, burrito-brained demographic.”

Priebus also announced a new Twitter hashtag Sunday that he believes will show Hispanics that the GOP loves them now.

“We’re using the tag #GOPLovesBeaners2016 on Twitter to reach out to our Hispanic friends online because we realized that when a lot of them are waiting for work at Lowes or in between cleaning rooms, they’re online,” Priebus said.

The GOP also plans to get more “bang for the buck,” he said, by spending the ten million in pesos, not dollars. “This means we can highlight our fiscal responsibility by only spending ten million pesos, or about 500 dollars American.”

GOP honchos also plan to reach out to the black community by purchasing ads in traditionally African-American media outlets like Malt Liquor Magazine, Welfare Cheese Aficionado and Moochers Monthly, according to Preibus, and will present free concerts to appeal to the African-American voter. Tentative headliners are Charlie Daniels, Kid Rock and Lynyrd Skynyrd.

The concerts will be held on the grounds of a yet-to-be-disclosed former slave plantation in the South.



Luis Alvarado March 19, 2013 at 11:57 AM

So, you are saying that this will not work? I’m a Latino Republican and I resent the “White Sheets” comment. I understand this is a Satire piece but I think you crossed the line. How about writing about the pain, suffering and anguish suffered by the Latino families that have been separated due to Obama Administration historical record breaking Deportations? All I’m saying is that for our community not to be taken for “Soca’s” we need a viable two party system that respects, includes and fights for our needs. Take Cali…..we have a virtual one party system and all that his rendered is the highest level of unemployment in the country and 50% of Latinos not graduating from High School. How is that for reality?

Santino J. Rivera March 19, 2013 at 6:11 PM

Hi Luis, or should I call you Lewis? Either way, let me first congratulate you on being like the mythical unicorn…a Latino Republican! Ajua! I think part of the new plan I wrote about above is to re-brand (get it? in cattle..? never mind) the whole “latino republican” thing into something more eCatchy…like say, Gop-tinos…or Latinacans.

So, anyway, yeah dude, you have a point. Barry definitely gets dickhead points for the pandering and deporting thing. Can’t argue with you there. BUT! If you’ll just give the GOP ONE more chance, they’ll promise they make it worth your while! (they promise!!!!! <--- omg! look at all those exclamation points!) Did you read the story, Lewis?? They're rolling out the white carpet with this plan! It's gonna be awesome! They just need people like you to swallow the load...of "new" ideas the GOP is pushing this time around! They're all new! Like, *new* new, bro! I saw it on TV! I betcha (that's a GOP-speak for I bet you) that if the GOP took over Cali again, everything would be coming up roses! Latinos have done so well when republicans were in power, really, really, reallllllly well...golly. In any case, thanks for reading, Lewis!

Frank S Lechuga March 20, 2013 at 12:29 AM

The Republican base has been indoctrinated by extremist white nationalist ideologues that have an agenda that has nothing to do with outreaching to Latinos or minorities. The Republican base is not following the Republican talking heads we see on TV. That’s why you’re right on Santino with your satire. This fellow Luis thinks the Republican elite controls the Republican racist base. He’s spouting out some talking points (record deportations blah blah . . . .) to test the water or he’s delusional.

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