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Antonio Vazquez Alba, popularly known as the the Grand Warlock of Mexico, is working his magic on the World Cup, cursing opposing teams and clearing the way for a victory by Mexico. El Brujo Mayor’s track record in influencing and predicting world events is unsurpassed; he famously predicted President Obama would not be reelected to a second term.

(PNS reporting from MIAMI) The imminent crash – later this week – of a Russian space probe scares local spiritual gurus and national experts alike. All of them fear that the death dive of the Russki rocket is a Cosmic Warning of the Mayan Doomsday, scheduled for Dec. 21. Their big brains, however, are split on ways to prevent the Beginning of the End.

“Oh it’s easy,”  one local specialist told PNS. “Just burn the candles.” Futurologist Pat Robertson’s advice is just one word: “Run!”

Russians espace commissars have predicted that fragments from the failed Phobos-Ground probe are expected to fall to Earth around Jan. 15.

What can an ordinary person do?

“Candles, definitely lots of candles,” said S.W. 46th St. curandero Alejandro “La Luz de Jesus” Sosa. [Mas…]