(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) The GOP knows who to blame for today’s partial Federal government shutdown.
“An unidentified black man came along out of nowhere, drew a gun and demanded that Republicans shut down the government,” according to Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH).
“He was wearing a hooded track suit and had a gun, and he said, ‘Yo, whitey, you’d better shut down the government or I’m gonna cut you,'” said Boehner, still visibly shaken.
According to Boehner’s Tea Party Republican colleagues, the unidentified suspect (artist’s sketch, above) is also responsible for a string of unsuccessful, symbolic votes to defund the Affordable Care Act, for halting all meaningful jobs legislation, and also for Congress’ lowest approval ratings ever.
“I have provided a sketch to the authorities in hopes that they can find this terrible criminal and put him behind bars,” said nervous GOP Representative Fred Miller of Florida’s 3rd Congressional District, adding, “I believe he also killed my wife last night, and that hooker in Tampa last year.”