Breaking Ñews: Did French troops use poison gas in Puebla?

(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) French invaders fighting indigenous militias in the state of Puebla are using poison gas, according to situation reports circulating here in the capital.

If the reports can be substantiated, it marks a dangerous escalation in the hostilities, and would mean Napoleon III’s troops have “crossed a red line” set by the Lincoln Administration in Washington.

“Oh simon, it was gas,” said one eyewitness rushed from the front by the cavalry. “French General Pepe Le Pew knows he is losing the la guerra and he is desperate. We think it is the deadly gas de brie, which these queseros love.”

Mas…Breaking Ñews: Did French troops use poison gas in Puebla?

Political Science 2014: How a bill becomes a law (toons, video)

How A Bill Becomes A Law CartoonLast week, the Republican-uncontrolled House of Representatives failed to pass a minimal spending bill to help with the unexpected crush of Central American refugees, adjourned, and then reconvened to approve a mean-spirited barebones measure that also would reverse President Obama’s DACA relief for DREAMers, and worse. Then they adjourned again.

Of course the bill has no chance of passage in the Senate, let alone getting a Presidential signature.

Their obstructionist mission accomplished, the do-nothing pendejos left town for their summer hideouts in the rich white safety of their home districts.

Their Tea Party-twisted debates, however, left a lingering aroma over Capitol Hill, and it wasn’t Laspang Souchong.

 

SPOILER ALERT: The aroma was SHIT.

Mas…Political Science 2014: How a bill becomes a law (toons, video)

U.S. Supreme Court votes 5-4 to change that thing, irregardless

scotus(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) The United States Supreme Court has voted 5-4 to change that appeal thing some lower courts were dealing with earlier (you know, back and forth and shit?) no matter que chingados the people think.

POCHO will share more details as the situation develops here in Our Nation’s Capital.

Mas…U.S. Supreme Court votes 5-4 to change that thing, irregardless

WTF Whopper: Mexicans have it your guey – at Burger King (photo,video)

burgerkingmexicanNeed a job? Live near Ephrata, Washington? Burger King has openings for people like you!

Huh? Whopper the fries is going on here? MSN Money reports:

Burger King has apologized after a photo of a billboard at one of its locations went viral.

The photo shows a Burger King billboard in Ephrata, Wash., that reads: “Now hiring. Must be Mexican.” Burger King said the billboard was edited by an angry employee who worked at the location last summer, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution​ reports.

Mas…WTF Whopper: Mexicans have it your guey – at Burger King (photo,video)

Breaking: Obama says U.S. will bomb Twerky

obamatwerkyyy(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) President Barack Obama has abruptly dismissed the possibility of launching a U.S. military action against Syria and opted for another world trouble spot.

“I am making preparations to bomb Twerky,” the President declared in a nationally-televised speech Friday afternoon. “It is clear that Syria has used banned chemical weapons against its own people, but I must be guided by what is in the best interests of the United States, and the actual clear and present danger to our nation is coming from Twerky.”

Mas…Breaking: Obama says U.S. will bomb Twerky

Breaking: Mexican troops say French use poison gas in Puebla

(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) French invaders fighting indigenous militias in the state of Puebla are using poison gas, according to situation reports circulating here in the capital.

If the reports can be substantiated, it marks a dangerous escalation in the hostilities, and would mean Napoleon III’s troops have “crossed a red line” set by the Lincoln Administration in Washington.

“Oh simon, it was gas,” said one eyewitness rushed from the front by the cavalry. “French General Pepe Le Pew knows he is losing the la guerra and he is desperate. We think it is the deadly gas de brie, which these queseros love.”

Mas…Breaking: Mexican troops say French use poison gas in Puebla

Pocho Ocho lesser-known effects of the Federal budget ‘sequester’

The “sequester” has already forced the release from detention of some accused undocumented immigrants. Now the budget cutbacks have started affecting  other aspects of American government.

Here are eight addtional changes you can expect:

8. The CIA will only poison leftist leaders with cancer on alternate Wednesdays

7. Government procurement contracts now cap toilet seats prices at $20,000

6. Senate expense accounts now limit lawmakers to three gay hooker visits per week

Mas…Pocho Ocho lesser-known effects of the Federal budget ‘sequester’

Breaking Ñews: Former Microsoft employee Clippy comes out

THIS JUST IN: (PNS reporting from REDMOND, WA) Former Microsoft Office Assistant Clippy, fired after a controversial career just trying to help some people out for crissake, will come out as gay in a forthcoming tell-all autobiography, PNS has learned.

The book, tentatively titled Don’t Ask Me Again, details Clippy’s crush on icon rival Happy Mac (photo), tempestuous meetings with erstwhile colleague Microsoft Bob, and all-night drug-fueled parties with the Tux, the Linux Penguin.

Mas…Breaking Ñews: Former Microsoft employee Clippy comes out

Sequester-released immigrants head to D.C. to fix the budget

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Scores of immigrants released due to sequester-forced budget cuts are headed to the nation’s capital to fill gaps in the labor pool, PNS has learned.

Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) began releasing low priority immigrants from detention centers in New Jersey, Louisiana, California, Texas and Florida earlier this week.

After the immigrants were released, PNS got reports that congressional staffers were driving past detention centers trying to pick up the immigrants for jobs in Washington.

“Immigrants are, once again, doing the job that no one else can do: balancing the budget,” said Manuel Padilla, who was released from a detention center in New Jersey Monday. “About 40 of us came from Jersey, in the back of three pickups!”

Mas…Sequester-released immigrants head to D.C. to fix the budget