What happens when your neighborhood gets gentrified?
This is some legit Chicana spoken word shit, for reals.
Lone Stars Entertainment explains:
(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) Leading Catholic personalities gathered here this week to address a simmering controversy in the official Divine Advent & Manifestation Union (DAMU): members claim that La Virgen de Guadalupe (photo, center) is a publicity hog when it comes to miraculous appearances.
“Can’t the Son of God just miraculously appear on a slice of toast without someone copying me?” asked Jesus Christ (photo, right). “Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for faith and everything, but she goes out of her way to appear on everything! Am I right, people?”
Another virgin in attendance, rarely-seen La Virgen de San Juan (photo, left), said that although she’s “totally cool” with being a lesser-known virgin, she will never be able to grow her Twitter following or sell more CDs when Guadalupe is always “hogging the spotlight.”
“The union has rules for a reason, so everyone has a chance at appearing on tortillas or an oil stain,” San Juan told PNS. “I don’t expect to be number one — I mean, c’mon, we’re talking about the Mother of God here — but I do expect my fair share.”
(PNS reporting from SANTA CHANCLA, CA) Streets were quiet here overnight as the city’s emergency ban on Pokémon Go went into effect at midnight.
Santa Chancla is the first city in California to ban Pokémon Go players within city limits, a ban authorized in response to widespread threats by white male terrorists.
“Every time you turn around some crazy young white guy is murdering someone — and these kids are running around in groups together? I don’t think so. Not in my town,” Mayor Juan Lopez told a press conference at City Hall this morning.
Ughhhhhhhh. There goes another crazy Texas politico saying something crazy. This time it’s Austin City Councilman Don Zimmerman, who told a group of Latino parents and students who testified in front of the council, some in Spanish, to stop being moochers (basically).
We scraped the Internets to bring you the very best Cinco de Mayo graphic memes.
Please like and share!
Artist Ana Smile has people all offended in Brazil, but she thinks they need to just chill.
At Stew Leonard’s, guacamole is its own ingredient — just add kale!
This the beginning of the end of the American middle class.
Stew’s Chunky Guacamole is prepared fresh daily by our culinary team with whole avocados, tomatoes, red onions, jalapeno peppers, a dash of salt, and a splash of freshly squeezed lime juice…. Plus, new for 2015, is Stew’s Kalemole, which is the addition of shredded kale to our traditional Chunky Guacamole!
Wine Pairing: Alto Vuelo Sauvignon Blanc — The citrusy, grapefruit component of this wine will pair nicely with the tangy, creaminess of the Guacamole and or the Kale Guacamole
PREVIOUSLY ON EXOTIC GUACAMOLE:
(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Ruben Covarrubias astounded family and friends here Sunday night when he admitted that the history of Cinco de Mayo didn’t concern him and he’d always thought “May 5 was Mexican Independence Day, so like so what?!”
“I don’t care what it’s about, yo!” he told everyone within earshot of the backyard grill. “I just always celebrated it with MEChA and at school. Partay!”
Friends and family at the Covarrubias’ weekly carne asada were aghast. Some reconsidered whether they’d be driving back to El Sereno next week, multiple witness reported.
(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) Julio Reyes wanted a beach body shape this Summer, but after weighing changing his diet, swapping soda for water and committing to a strenuous of weights and cardio, he reconsidered.
“I think I’m just going to wear my t-shirt with my swim trunks this year,” he told PNS. “That way, if my workout regimen doesn’t kick in ‘til later no one will notice.”
World class twerking delights the neighborhood in Asi (This) by Miami-born Dominican Amara La Negra.
(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) After careful consideration, local woman Estela Zamora, 28, is aiming to be less ambitious in 2015.
“Turns out the ‘American Dream’ doesn’t mean to aim for the stars, but rather, right under the stars, where it’s safe and there’s more company,” Zamora told PNS Sunday.
“I’m just tired of getting flack for aiming too damn high!”
We just found out about this project, which The Federalist explained over the summer:
Businesswoman Clara Del Villar [photo, right] wants to help the GOP. A Dominican-American, Del Villar has watched conservatives and libertarians repeatedly fail to connect with Latinos. She believes it’s time for a more creative approach.
Toward that end, Del Villar has filmed 12 Webisodes of Familia Con Fuego, or Family With Fire, a new pro-free-market telenovela about the Flores family.
Every year it’s the same crap over and over again. I mean, I wasn’t even finished pretending not to eat Halloween candy before people started playing that Christmas music — don’t even get me started on the music! It’s like, let’s take a has-been artist and have them pump out some horrible tripe and force everyone to remember why they became irrelevant in the first place, all the while pretending like we’re enjoying the tunes.
You know, all those songs were written during a time when my grandparents weren’t even allowed to go into certain restaurants. “No Mexicans, No Dogs” is what the door signs used to say. “White Christmas” indeed!
(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Sandra Ceballos made a shocking discovery Friday night when she was out with her girlfriends.
The standards she’d been using to find a good husband were, as her friend Jenny put it, “appallingly low.”
Ceballos, whose family is from Mexico, was raised to believe that if a man is not too much of a drunk, works hard, and doesn’t beat you, he’s “good husband material.”
(PNS reporting from FRESNO) The 16 Cal State Fresno MEChA students who flew to Hong Kong to join the student protest — but were quickly kicked out of the demonstration — returned home late Sunday night.
The students were ejected from Occupy Central after Hong Kong student organizers discovered that the Movimiento Estudiantil Chican@ de Aztlán backed the Chinese Communist government. As the only Reds participating in the protests, their calls for “revolution” differed significantly from the protestors’ demands.
(PNS reporting from MIAMI) Gerardo Lamas, the official spokesman for all Hispanics in the United States, resigned Wednesday night.
“This is a bullshit job and I’ll never be able to please anybody,” he told PNS in a late-night phone call. “I mean, I’ve been at this for a while, and let me tell you, it hasn’t gotten any easier. Que effin’ lastima, right? I’m throwing up my hands!”
“The truth is it’s ridiculous to expect one person to be able to speak for millions from diverse backgrounds, geopolitical situations, economic castes and region-specific cultures,” he said. “Rachel Maddow calls, Fox News calls, Esteban Colberto calls, and even your guy Al Madrigal from The Daily Show calls. Thank God for Caller ID!”
(PNS reporting from IRVINE, CA) Roland Vega, 33, formerly known as “Rolando,” has come to an important moment in his life: He’s transitioned from a “Chicano” to a “Hispanic.”
The decision to change the way he self-identifies came as somewhat of a shock to his family and his homeboys, but not necessarily to Vega’s former Hispanic fraternity brothers.
He made the announcement on Facebook Sunday night.
“You know, Roli — er, I mean, Roland — was always the most radical Chicano in the fraternity, but c’mon man, he was studying accounting. I kinda always knew he was going to end up a Hispanic,” said Ed Taboada, Vega’s college roommate.
(PNS reporting from ANCHORAGE, AK) Some they call him Joe, some they call him Doh! but one group of Alaska voters is 100% behind Joe Miller, the Tea Party-affiliated candidate who is seeking a United States Senate nomination.
“His campaign mailer (click on photo to enlarge) convinced us that Miller will do a great job keeping the thriving Latino community of Alaska in check,” read a press release issued Thursday by Cecilia Jones, the president of National Organization for Minorities, Advertisements, Media Exposure and Symbolism. “And that especially goes for your drug-dealing border-crossing tat-wearing illegal alien Democrat voters!”
— Veronica Rodriguez (@LaresNYC) August 13, 2014
Actually, they call this flatbread “roti” or “chapati” in Pakistan and India but they’re all tortillas to me. Note: Totally tubular comal!
Almost no science fiction and fantasy movies feature protagonists of color — not to mention women of color — but thankfully we have Zoe Saldaña! Check out this study and awful infographic from Lee & Low Books: