GOP to spend $10 million further alienating minorities

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Reeling from back-to-back presidential losses and struggling to cope with the country’s changing racial and ethnic makeup, the Republican National Committee plans to spend $10 million this year to send hundreds of party workers in white sheets into Hispanic communities to promote its brand.

With Operation Wetback 2016, the committee hopes putting a fresh face on the same old racism will help them net more Hispanic voters.

“Hispanics are so lazy and slow-witted that they won’t be able to do the deep investigation required to see that our effort is a complete and utter sham,” GOP committee head Reince Priebus declared on Meet the Press. “We won’t change any of our hateful and xenophobic policies, but we will definitely alter our marketing pitches to this unambitious, burrito-brained demographic.”

Priebus also announced a new Twitter hashtag Sunday that he believes will show Hispanics that the GOP loves them now.

“We’re using the tag #GOPLovesBeaners2016 on Twitter to reach out to our Hispanic friends online because we realized that when a lot of them are waiting for work at Lowes or in between cleaning rooms, they’re online,” Priebus said.

The GOP also plans to get more “bang for the buck,” he said, by spending the ten million in pesos, not dollars. “This means we can highlight our fiscal responsibility by only spending ten million pesos, or about 500 dollars American.”

GOP honchos also plan to reach out to the black community by purchasing ads in traditionally African-American media outlets like Malt Liquor Magazine, Welfare Cheese Aficionado and Moochers Monthly, according to Preibus, and will present free concerts to appeal to the African-American voter. Tentative headliners are Charlie Daniels, Kid Rock and Lynyrd Skynyrd.

The concerts will be held on the grounds of a yet-to-be-disclosed former slave plantation in the South.

POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.