@MexicanMitt Romney: It would be helpful to be ME

I say that jokingly, but it would be helpful to be Latino.

Sometimes I say the DARNDEST THINGS. As a Republican Presidential candidate with a good chance of unseating an incumbent Presidente, it is very important to watch what you say. But I keep on saying CREYSY CHET.

It’s as if I’m not aware that I am ALREADY LATINO. I am already enjoying the benefits of being MORE LATINO THAN SHOULD BE LEGALLY ALLOWED.

People really don’t realize that Mexican Mitt Romney is SOOOO LATINO. Let me help the still clueless. My PADRE was born in CHIHUAHUA on a RANCHO. (Rancho is Spanish for MORMON POLYGAMOUS COMPOUND.) His parents had Self-Deported to Mexico before the Mexican Revolution, and Self-Deported back during. Then they were on government assistance. WHOOPS, THAT WAS A PRETTY MEXICAN THING TO DO.

How can you tell I am MEXICAN?


Also, I own several old cars, I gotta LOTTA COUSINS, and I use Tres Flores pomade in my gorgeous head of hair.

I also have more great grandmas than one man should have. Never mind about that.

But also I have lots and lots of VIEJAS.

Perhaps you are not familiar with the signs that I am MAS MEXICANO QUE LA CHINGADA. I often wear a large wide brimmed hat. I dress in a costume worthy of any CHIHUAHUA CINCO DE MAYO PARADE.

Mexicans got it soooo good. Being of Latino descent is actually NO JOKE. It can get you in the White House. Look at how many U.S. Presidents of LATINO DESCENT we have already had! JORGE WASHINGTON, JUAN ADAMS, TOMAS YEFFERSON, MARTINEZ VAN BUREN, GUILLERMO MCKINLEY, RICARDO NIXON, GERALDO CHEVY, JORGE BUSH, JORGE BUSH YUNIOR, and BARACK OBAMA.

Latinos are born on third base, and they think they scored a goal.

One Mexican I know who gets everything handed to him on a silver platter is MY BUTLER JULIO.

So please, GET OFF MY NALGAS for all the ESECRET COMMENTS I made on that tape. They were supposed to be ESECRET. Don’t they say, “What happens in the Hamptons, stays in the Hamptons??”

I will NOT apologize for my Latino comment, or my 47% PARASITE MOOCHER COMMENT. I will actually DOUBLE DOWN and say that basically, it’s not actually OBAMA’S BAD ECONOMIC POLICIES that are ruining this country, it is YOU LAZY POOR PARASITES that are causing the bad economy.

Remember, this is the Home of the Brave, LAND OF THE FREELOADER.

Finally, let me apologize for insulting those who DO NOT PAY TAXES. Sorry to ME! AJUA!

MexicanMitt is on Twitter.