Mal★Mart is a good neighbor, supporting local communities and creating jobs all across America — with a smile. Just ask Latina entrepreneur Maria Muñoz of Maria’s Flan.
That’s right, pochas y pochos, you too can reinforce your raza credibility with a puro handshake, as Subcommandanta del News Sara Inés Calderón demonstrates in her viral video. She illustrates the proper form for handshakes in Califas and Tejas plus throws in a variation that answers the musical question Why Can’t We Be Friends?
On the music front, Pocho Ñews Service Floridita Burro Jefe Santino J. Rivera takes a look at the contradiction between Rage Against the Machine’s message and some clueless fans’ love of the band. Hint: VP wannabe Paul Ryan isn’t the only doofus.
On the international business news beat, Subcommandante del Cultura Victor Payan blows the lid off the Republican effort to thwart the sale of bankrupt Hostess to Mexico’s Bimbo. Revelations from the TwinkieLeaks website include this money quote from GOP guru Karl Rove: “They can have my DingDong when they pry it from my cold, dead hand.”
And New Jack City Burro Jefe Elise Roedenbeck illuminates the softer side of South America with the sad tale of a Peruvian girl and her llama — a lament for lost youth, innocence and a little girl’s dreams.
These are top stories that broke the ñews on POCHO this week:
This short educational video from Mal★Mart explains how the retail chain is a good neighbor, supporting local communities and creating jobs all across America — with a smile. The case study features Latina entrepreneur Maria Muñoz of Maria’s Flan.
My wife is half Mexican, my son is one-quarter Mexican and I have been to Mexico four times for cheap lobster, not that anyone's ethnicity would be used as a qualification for this job. I'm white, of course.
Loser and liar Willard “Mitt” Romney finally got something correct! The overwhelming Latino margin for President Bronco Bama was entirely due to “gifts” the Democrats used as bribes. Here are the top eight:
8. Taco Tuesdays covered by Obamacare
7. Rick Bayless gets full-time gig with Food and Drug Administration (Drug Division)
6. New “path to citizenship:” SuperLotto
President Bronco Bama was reelected this week despite the valiant campaign mounted by Juan Percenter @MexicanMitt Romney; the Mexi-Mormon challenger released a last-minute campaign espeech and animated music video which were very popular on POCHO but apparently didn’t help in Ohio, Florida and Pennsylvania.
POCHO’s ñews-breaking coverage included toons by Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz, election recaps and a look at what’s up next for the former first lady in waiting Ann Romney.
Cable TV star Don Cheto make a video Gangnam Style and a huge OVNI/UFO was filmed flying down into Mexico’s Popocatapetl volcano.
The links are here:
The reelection of President Barack Obama is news around the world, too, so POCHO Ñews Service PNS sent reporters out on the street to gather reactions from colorfully-dressed pedestrians who consented to interviews and photos without compensation.
Here’s what they had to say:
[EDITOR’S NOTE: @MexicanMitt Romney, the Twitter sensation, has graced us with the complete text of his concession speech upon losing to President Barack Obama. Enjoy this heart-wrenching espeech, gueyes.]
GREETINGS MY GUEYES!
I HAVE CALLED BLACK REAGAN AND CONCEDED THAT HE CHEATED BETTER THAN I DID. SHOUT OUT to his wife and her sister-wives.
I WANT TO THANK my running mate POLLO RYAN FOR NADA, NALGAS, EL ZILCHO.
We didn’t win his home estate of Wisconsin. He couldn’t even get us the Munsters vote, ESMALL AS THAT IS.
IF ANYONE knows where he has been for the last three weeks, PLEASE LET ME KNOW.
(PNS reporting from BOSTON) Mitt Romney woke up a broken man Wednesday morning and experienced something unimaginable: He had become part of the 47%.
“I never thought this would happen to me; my whole life has been turned upside-down,” he told PNS.
A moping Romney emerged from his down-quilted bed and silk sheets at about 7AM and wandered down to breakfast where his staff had prepared farm-raised, hand-fed chicken eggs with organic arugula imported from South America and water imported from France. And then he made the call he had been dreading — a call to his chauffeur, Carlos Peres.
Dejected Romney then began one of the hardest car rides in the back of a custom-made limousine of his life: to the nearest office of Massachusetts’ Department of Unemployment Assistance.
(PNS reporting from BOSTON) With the election totally over, Ann Romney is free to pursue her true passion: cooking dinner every night for her large family and sharing Romney recipes.
Here’s exclusive preview of the Breakfast Club section of Ann’s upcoming food blog The Electric Stove:
This is a very old family recipe dating back generations!
Little known fact: my Great Aunt Jebadisa was a leading pioneer in the Women’s Pre-Sliced White Bread Movement. When I think about the sacrifices she made, slicing each piece individually and toasting each slice by candle fire, I nearly break down and weep.
8. Donald Trump bad hair day
7. Matlock marathon suppressed old white people vote
6. Cheap imported Chinese binders couldn’t hold the women required for victory
(PNS reporting from LA JOLLA) Police in this pricey San Diego barrio are on alert after “an intruder or intruders” slipped onto the Romney family’s secluded beachfront property early this morning, left a flaming paper bag of what is believed to be dog shit on the front porch, rang the doorbell and fled into the fog.
He’s an undecided voter and his mind’s in a pickle about the big issues. We asked him why.
It was a spooky ñewsweek at POCHO — the most popular entries on the site were not the newsiest.
Pochos liked this week’s entries about Halloween, Chavo del Ocho Gangnam Style, The Simpsons‘ Mr. Burns’ endorsement of Gov. Mitt Romney and Lalo Alcaraz’s Sandy toon.
- RELATED: Vote for the Dinosaur Party in 2012
Prominent nuclear power advocate Montgomery Burns has endorsed Gov. Mitt Romney for president.
“Romney will lie to you to win the nomination. He will lie to you to get elected. He will lie to you as President” — Newt Gingrich
Another ñewsweek at POCHO meant princesses, the Gap’s taste in t-shirts, Mitt’s taste in short shorts, Fidel Castro is still not dead, Donald Trump is still a jerk and more.
Mitt is the MC with the moneh, byotch! (NSFW at all.)
It’s not easy being brown, as Mitt Romney’s Univision appearance demonstrated. Here’s the right way to get brown with la gente. Attention white people: This is a super idea for that special hot date not to mention Halloween!
And in this photo taken after the first debate:
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) President Barack Obama and Governor Mitt Romney met for their final debate here tonight and blah blah bah.
The two clashed over foreign policy with Romney accusing the president of herp, derp and zoool, and Obama countering that Romney really la la la I can’t hear you.
Staged in the retiree-heavy community of Rat Mouth, where eternally-flashing left-turn signals are the law of the land and the population lives on Early Bird Specials, the debate was declared a draw by people who weren’t paying attention and a total oratorical victory for Obama by everyone else.
Boca Raton and nearby communities of Delray and Boynton Beach are fetid humid swampland still unredeemed from the biting, itching and crawling creatures that call this their natural home. The area was only chosen as the debate venue because Jerry Seinfeld’s parents live nearby and wanted to come. PAGE BREAK HERE.
Mexican-born (just like his BFF’s dad!) actor and comedian Paul Rodriguez wants Latinos to vote for Gov. Mitt Romney in November and recorded 60 seconds of audio (below) to explain why. No habla Espanish? No problemo! We made this video with English titles so you can follow along.
Background footage via the Occupy Wall Street Archive.