BREAKING ÑEWS: (PNS reporting from THE VATICAN) With the selection of Argentine Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio as Pope “Call Me Don” Francisco I, winds of change are blowing from the Western and Southern Hemispheres to refresh the stale air of Rome.
The first big change, PNS has learned, is the gradual replacement of Latin in church communications and prayers with the more widely-spoken and understood Latino language.
Other expected changes:
- Goodbye, Amen. Hello, A la chinagada
- Pope-Mobile is now known as El Guagua
- Communion menu to include empanadas and your choice of red or white wine
- The Lord’s Prayer will be sung to the melody of Don’t Cry for Me Argentina
- Meat on Friday is OK as long as it’s steak
- Nuns must take up a new habit: The tango
- Sunday Mass from the St. Peter’s will be televised and webcast worldwide and re-branded as Domingo Gigante.
Don’t touch that dial: POCHO’s 24/7 Pope Watch Breaks the Ñews!