Pocho Ocho reasons God Almighty loves Republicans

It’s no secret that God (photo, right) loves Republicans, even if you didn’t hear it over and over last night on TV.

Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons why:

8. He banks offshore, too

7. Pat Robertson always blames His storms on liberals

6. Funny, you don’t look Jewish!

5. Two words: Wide Stance

4. That Adam and Steve joke, although technically it should be Adam and Stephen

3. Not going overboard with that healing the sick, feeding the hungry, housing the homeless and loving your neighbor shtick

2. White Like Me

And the numero uno reason God Almighty loves Republicans is…

They keep His Son Jesus employed as a gardener.