7. They made Sheila E play timbales in the balcony.
6. Meryl Streep has been nominated more than all the Latinos since the Aztecs.
5. The Spanglish animated feature Puss in Boots got pimp-slapped by a Johnny Depp cartoon lizard.
4. The Academy voters are exclusively white males who look like Glenn Close.
3. Couldn’t even get hired as chair-fillers when the stars went to the Toledo.
2. Most winners as old as Billy Crystal’s jokes.
And the numero uno reason the Oscars sucked is …
Demián Bichir’s limo had to pick him up in front of a Home Depot.
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