Antonin Scalia was the King of Judicial Jiggery-Pokery — until he was taken from us at the mean old age of 74.
His spirited defense of torture, based on something he saw Jack Bauer do on television’s 24, was truly his finest hour.
Now you can commemorate Scalia’s wisdom with this magnificent Antonin Scalia Waterboarding Cloth:
Made from finest Chinese machine-spun cotton, this water-absorbent flannel is just like the ones CIA operators use at dark sites across the globe. Celebrate Scalia’s legacy with this heirloom quality keepsake, delivered to your door for the low price of $59.99.
Jack Bauer saved Los Angeles….He saved hundreds of thousands of lives! – Antonin Scalia
Order before a new Supreme Court Justice is confirmed, and you get an exclusive extra gift:
This precision-machined glass syringe comes in a box decorated with Scalia’s quote "The death penalty? Give me a break. It's easy."
Also inside: A printed copy of Scalia’s dissent from “In re Troy Anthony Davis, 08-1443”:
This Court has _never_ held that the Constitution forbids the execution of a convicted defendant who has had a full and fair trial but is later able to convince a habeas court that he is “actually” innocent.
Scalia never let mere words on paper stand in the way of his deeply-held beliefs, not the Constitution and not the Catholic Bible. Don’t let words on paper stand in the way of filling out the attached form and ordering your keepsakes today!
Yes! Just like Antonin Scalia, I, too, would waterboard The Baby Jesus to stop a gay marriage. Please send me my Waterboarding Cloth and bonus Lethal Injection Syringe.
Name ________________________
Address _____________________
Send to: Crying Eagle Memorials, Box 666, Grover’s Mill, NJ.
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