Dear President Donald Trump: Confessions of an Anchor Baby

cucaanchorbabyhistoryJanuary 20, 2017

Dear President Donald Trump:

Now that you’ve become our new emperor, I mean, the 45th President of the United States, I have a confession: I’m an “anchor baby.” Given that you represent the best white hope to “Make America Great Again!” I’m confessing in exchange to be pardoned for my birthright citizenship crime.

Honestly, I didn’t know that being born to Mexican immigrants on work visas violated the law or that pesky little thing called the 14th Amendment of the Constitution. If I would’ve known of your novel interpretation of our Constitution, I mean your Constitution, I would’ve pleaded in my mother’s womb to be aborted.

Oh, I forgot, Republicans don’t believe in abortions. Does the GOP make exceptions for brown fetuses?

Mas…Dear President Donald Trump: Confessions of an Anchor Baby

The Pocho Ocho craziest cosas we found in the Rosca de Reyes

Rosca-de-reyes-mexToday is Three Kings Day, Dia de Los Reyes Magos, AKA Epiphany, the day when Los Tres Reyes dropped by the manger to gift up the original Anchor Baby, El Baby Jesus.

Check out the Pocho Ocho Craziest Things we found in the Rosca de Reyes here at the POCHO world headquarters:

8. Rosca’s Chicken and Waffles

7. One long black hair

6. Hot new Kanye West musical discovery “Paul McCarthy”

Mas…The Pocho Ocho craziest cosas we found in the Rosca de Reyes

The Pocho Ocho cosas I found in my Rosca de Reyes

Sunday is Three Kings Day, Dia de Los Reyes Magos, AKA Epiphany, the day when Los Tres Reyes dropped by the manger to gift up the original Anchor Baby, El Baby Jesus.

Check out the pocho ocho things we found in the Rosca de Reyes here at the POCHO world headquarters:

8. Plastic Baby Jesus

7. One long black hair

6. Homies action figure “Cholo Priest”

Mas…The Pocho Ocho cosas I found in my Rosca de Reyes

Pocho Ocho words we should banish in 2012

8. Anchor baby (noun) – Wait- this is an anti-Latino slur? FAIL. Seriously, this just makes us picture an infant so cute and fat we could use it for a boat anchor. Just chuck it in – kerPLOP! – you can drift and chug Coronas all afternoon. Do better, wingnuts.

7.  Arpaio (proper noun) – Actually, we’d just like to banish this one from the government payroll, strip it down to its pink underwear and let it play where’s-the-soap for 99 to life.

Mas…Pocho Ocho words we should banish in 2012

Pocho Ocho cosas I found in my Rosca de Reyes

Happy Three Kings Day, Dia de Los Reyes Magos, AKA Epiphany, the day when Los Tres Reyes dropped by the manger to gift up the original Anchor Baby, El Baby Jesus.

In Mexico and now all across Pocholandia, some celebrate with the Rosca de Reyes, a tasty and yeasty treat topped with butter and sugar.

Sometimes it is soaked in rum, like Tio Frankie. Baked inside is a plastic Baby Jesus figurine, which, if you get it in your slice of pan, symbolizes great fortune. And it also means you are stuck with the bill for yet another Catholic drinkfest one month later.

Below are the top eight things we have found in the Rosca de Reyes here at the POCHO world headquarters! Enjoy!

8. Plastic Baby Jesus

7. One long black hair

6. Homies Doll, “Cholo Priest”

Mas…Pocho Ocho cosas I found in my Rosca de Reyes