Woman is told ‘Cup O Noodles is not fideo,’ then gets dumped

noodles(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Paola Lopez’ dreams were shattered and her heart was broken Friday after she prepared sopa de fideo for her boyfriend, Sunny Vargas.

“I just thought it would be nice to make him a quick snack before we went to the movies,” the 28-year-old woman tearfully recounted to PNS. “Then all of a sudden he got all mad and left me. He broke up with me in a text that night.”

The tragedy began Tuesday when Vargas, a  sales representative for a Pico Rivera power tools importer and distributor, told Lopez that one of his favorite dishes (and thus a requirement to be considered “wife material”) was sopa de fideo, like his mom Victoria makes.

The shocking conclusion came Friday evening.

Mas…Woman is told ‘Cup O Noodles is not fideo,’ then gets dumped

Tía Chita: ‘It’s final! I’ve absolutely, positively made my last tamal!’

(PNS reporting from LAREDO) Tia Chita will not be hosting the annual holiday season tamalada at her house this year, she revealed to her family last night. As a matter of fact, she told stunned participants at her niece’s baby shower, she never wants to make another tamal in her life.

“First of all, I’m sick of all the gossip!” she shouted, pacing around the room quicker and quicker the more excited she became.

“I know the tamaladas are where all the comadres are supposed to catch up on ‘family news’ and everything, but did you ever think that I really don’t care who’s sleeping with whom and who’s going to have a baby? Ya estoy vieja, I’ve been a million weddings already!”

Chita is sick of everyone coming over to eat her food and then leaving dirty napkins everywhere, staining her nice couches with tamal grease, she said. Sometimes the bathroom gets stopped up, and she has to have the neighbor come over with the plumber’s snake. “He’s not a smell-good plumber,” she grimaced.

Mas…Tía Chita: ‘It’s final! I’ve absolutely, positively made my last tamal!’

Letter to the Editor: Thank you, organic cocks/hens as appropriate

This Letter to the Editor came in via our SUBMIT link. We’d like to hear from you, too!

Dear organic chicken or chickens (or cocks and/or hens) who were the source of the two thighs I ate last night:

Thank you for your lives.

I guess it is presumptuous to write to you since we never met when you were alive and now you’re dead and I ate you. Actually, I don’t know really know WHO to thank since it’s unclear if these were a matched set of thighs (left and right) from a single chicken or whether they were two thighs from two chickens and now that I think about it I didn’t even check to see if they were left or right and how would I know?

Mas…Letter to the Editor: Thank you, organic cocks/hens as appropriate

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: It’s Michelada time!

Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. My recipe today is inspire by a gringo who saw me drinking a Michelada with my comadre Mari Carmen cause it was Comadre’s Night Out. The gringo tole me, “Escuse me, is that a margarita?”

I wanted to say: No, is a Michelada, menso! But I think thas not classy and I put my hair all spray so I look classy. So I no say the menso part, even though I know he don’t know what menso means.

And you know what? In that momen, I had a revelation, like when Dios or tequila speaks to you…and I know… is my responsibility to teash the pochos about Micheladas.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: It’s Michelada time!