BREAKING: Chipotle burrito confuses elderly Mexican man

chitpotlebillboardunclechipotle(PNS reporting from SACRAMENTO) Felipe Alvarez, 67, bit his tongue Tuesday afternoon.

The North Sacramento resident bit his tongue when his godson Tommy Alvarez (no relation) handed him a gold-foil-wrapped burrito from the trendy Chipotle Mexican Grill on Truxel Road. The metal-wrapped mystery meal, however, never made it to his mouth.

Don Felipe (photo) could not quite bring himself to bite the “burrito.”

“Que tiene adentro?” he asked Tommy, afraid of the answer.

A California resident for 20 years, Felipe was accustomed to the so-called “California burrito” – refried beans, “Spanish” rice, processed cheese, some wicked salsa, and maybe even French fries. “I’m a modern man y bastante liberal,” he told PNS.

The aroma of this burrito, however, was entirely unfamiliar.

Mas…BREAKING: Chipotle burrito confuses elderly Mexican man

Ñewsweek: Adios to Florida, viral Latinophilia, hot sex escandal

Florida once against led the nation in advanced asshattery (Arizona — step up your game!) as it became the first state to actually secede from the United Estates, thanks to President Bronco Bama’s “Don’t Let the Door Hit Your Ass on the Way Out” declaration.

In East Los, gangbangers finally got their chance to do it Ganga/Gangnam style with Don Cheto, and across America many right-wing racists seemed to be suffering from an infection of acute contagious Latinophilia, with Fox-head Sean Hannity leading the pack of patients.

And then there was the shock resignation of Maria Cholula after revelations of her affair with Tagberto Tapatio.

We have all the big ñews links here:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Adios to Florida, viral Latinophilia, hot sex escandal

Ñewsweek: Bronco Bama reelected, @MexicanMitt Romney concedes

President Bronco Bama was reelected this week despite the valiant campaign mounted by Juan Percenter @MexicanMitt Romney; the Mexi-Mormon challenger released a last-minute campaign espeech and animated music video which were very popular on POCHO but apparently didn’t help in Ohio, Florida and Pennsylvania.

POCHO’s ñews-breaking coverage included toons by Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz, election recaps and a look at what’s up next for the former first lady in waiting Ann Romney.

Cable TV star Don Cheto make a video Gangnam Style and a huge OVNI/UFO was filmed flying down into Mexico’s Popocatapetl volcano.

The links are here:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Bronco Bama reelected, @MexicanMitt Romney concedes