Cheating historically proven as best strategy to win, PRI President says
(PNS reporting from MEXICO) Members of Mexico’s PRI took to the streets this weekend to reassure supporters that, if a victory in the 2018 presidential elections is ever in doubt, the power-drunk party will revert to its most tried-and-true success tactic: Shameless electoral fraud.
[See more Payton Heogh toons at WeaklyPolitical.com]
(PNS reporting from BEVERLY HILLS) Local #207 of the Federation of Turd Polishers (FTP) has chosen “The Mainstream Media” as the recipient of their 2016 Golden Dookie Award, PNS has learned.
The union will cite the news media’s whitewashing of Donald Trump’s hate, xenophobia, racial prejudice, misogyny, lies, bullying, sexual assault, fraud, and foreign entanglements as “the new normal.”
“They polished the shit right off of that turd,” one FTP official told PNS.
You know that “Mexican Judge,” Gonzalo P. Curiel? He can’t be impartial in the Trump University fraud case because he’s a member of that militant Mexican cabal known as LA RAZA.
And he’s not the only one! After all, you can’t have a conspiracy with only one conspirator, amirite?
There might even be card-carrying members of LA RAZA in your neighborhood, at your job, talking about you in Spanish at the next table over, or ohmygod in your kids’ schools!
Be aware and be prepared, America.
Here are the Pocho Ocho Best Ways to Tell if Someone Is A Member Of LA RAZA:
8. Nopal en la frente
7. MEChA meeting
6. No era penal
Sworn testimony and company documents — ordered released by Indiana-born “Mexican judge” Gonzalo Curiel of the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of California — also revealed these Pocho Ocho Top Shameful Secrets of Trump University:
8. Trump University cafeteria’s “taco bowls” were based on a recipe rejected by Rick Bayless.
7. Trump University sales staffers (“admission counselors”) who didn’t make assigned quotas were dressed as gorillas and dropped off in Cincinnati.
6. Course outline for URBAN REAL ESTATE REDEVELOPMENT included a seminar entitled “Evicting a three-generation family business and replacing it with a chain retailer is easy if you just remember these three letters: K, K and K.”
In a radio interview Thursday with KRDB this fine American legislator was full of the kind of wisdom that has inspired the deep thoughts of his homegirl, Sarah Palin, and assorted white power NRA-voting posses, militias and tea parties across the U.S. of A.
A three-second clip is at the bottom of this story. Play it here or download it and make it into a ring tone, or an auto-tuned viral meme! Thanks to KRDB for the audio. Oh, and here are the phone numbers for all the Congressman’s offices.
Someone estole Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s identity and used his name to purchase groceries in Chicago. The Maricopa, AZ sheriff, unlike the pochodores here in the POCHO ñewsroom, was not amused.
We have a lot of things we’d like to purchase with Sheriff Joe’s moneh, and here are the top eight:
8. In 2001 he took a huge tax loss after a franchise scheme called Illegals Я Us failed.
7. In 2006 he sought medical reimbursement for malaria contracted after swimming in a giant pool of money.
6. In 2009 he claimed his Cayman Islands bank account as a dependent.
POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal puts on his Daily Show Senior Latino Correspondent hat and rubber gloves to spice up the Mexican presidential elections with smuggled negative political advertisements.
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Even as the U.S. Department of Justice seeks to shut down Florida’s effort to disenfranchise voters, state officials are overjoyed that their purge of voter role has finally nabbed a real fraud, even if their case is a dog.
Much to the relief of Republican witch-hunters who were under fire for challenging the eligibility to vote of war veterans, grandmothers and local heroes, a French Bulldog puppy named Mr. ChaCha was charged on Tuesday for voting fraudulently in a local Miami election last year.
The eight-month-old pup snuck into a neighborhood high school, sniffed the ballot and then pulled the lever for Hammad Jose de Marx, the Green Party candidate for Dade County Residential Service Officer, according to poll watchers. “Though Mr. ChaCha’s motives are unclear, one fact is clear: Voter fraud is real,” an election board spokesman said.
He’s a sinner, but aren’t we all? Brothers and sisters, Padre Jesus’ Ministry has found Salvation in the Lord and the Padre wants to remind you that 1-800-JesusNeeds Money.