Mad TV’s Johnny Sanchez, one of the stars of the Alma Award-nominated Payaso Comedy Slam, talks about being mistaken for a Middle Eastern Guy. NSFW.
A busy week in the ñewsroom: Tucson bans books, SOPA nazi attack meets resistance, pocha chicas making videos, chia pets’ health under assault by Mexican cartels and the Romney campaign releasing a subtitled video campaign ad. Here’s our roundup of the week’s big estories:
(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) Skyrocketing demand for “perfect foods” has fueled a war between the rival QuinoaTraficante and ChiaTraficante agricultural cartels as they fight for market dominance — and Fido and Fluffy are the latest “collateral damage.”
Texas People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) say recent attacks on Mexican chia seed production — apparently at the hands of rival-cartel-affiliated quinoa growers — have left thousands of area seed-deprived chia pets cold, shivering and hairless in the dark. PETA said this includes Fido and Fluffy, of Barton Creek, pictured (above) in the organization’s latest Web ad.
(PNS reporting from DIXIE) The Latino Labor Association and Limpiadores Alliance today announced they are backing former Mass. Gov. Mitt Romney in advance of Saturday’s South Carolina GOP primary vote.
LALALA president Ed “Big Tiny” Calvados said Romney offers the best hope for Hispanics to achieve the American dream of fame, fortune and greed.
“The choice is obvious,” he said. “Gingrich wants to take our food stamps and ghetto language, Santorum’s trickle-down stinks and Rick Perry’s Tejano tushie will get spanked in the general election.”
“Mitt walks the walk. Take his position on jobs,” he said. “Mitt has eight houses, and if you figure a gardener and a housekeeper in each, that’s almost a dozen and a half gente off the welfare rolls and onto the payroll.”
When the memes come knocking POCHO starts rocking. Check out this “Sh!t Pocha Girls Say” video from Jessica Braganza and Sara Inés Calderón – it’s safe for work and cleared for fun.
Hatred of the poor edged out racism and homophobia in the Iowa GOP caucuses, a Fresno man was mauled by chihuahuas and died of shame, and the attempt to repeal the California Dream Act failed when the referendum’s backer (photo, right) couldn’t score enough racist jerkwad signatures to get their scheme placed on the ballot.
For these Pochostan stories and more, click here:
Al Madrigal live at the Laugh Factory: When at Home Depot (note to self – go early in the morning) it’s important to choose wisely when picking your day laborer. Not Safe For Work. Tomorrow’s video: Pocho-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz interviews Al at POCHO headquarters about Al’s new full-time gig as the Daily Show’s Senior Latino Correspondent.
When I was in seventh grade, I was derided for being flat-chested. When I was in college I was derided for having ample junk in the trunk. As a 20-something I was felt self-conscious because I didn’t have thin legs.
It turns out, depending on who you ask, this is all good — or all lacking. It’s confusing: do Latino men want voluptuous or not? Or do they only want voluptuous in certain places? Do they just like to drool over skinny women on TV, but when they get home prefer something more ample? What are the mathematics on being an “adequately-attractive” Latina?
It’s the year’s very first Taco Tuesday, which means you can laugh yourself back to work with this borracho taco recipe video.
Cooking while drunk is dangerous, especially if it involves charp knives. Don’t try this at home.
The Zapatistas… issued a declaration which amounted to a declaration of war on the Mexican government, which they considered so out of touch with the will of the people as to make it completely illegitimate.
Welcome to 2012, the last year, according to the Mayan Calendar, which predicts the end of the world on Dec. 21. No worries – we have what you need:
- A countdown clock on the right so you can sync your watch for the big day
- This New Age technomuzak didactic rap video by Gurudevi which links the Mayan wisdom to a properly calibrated understanding of the 13-month-cycles of noospheric spacetime (WARNING DON’T WATCH THIS VIDEO IF YOU ARE DRIVING):
7. Scare white folks with the 2012 Doomsday predictions
6. Get Cheech to collect one of my Chicano paintings
5. Train my revolutionary pets Karl Barx and Chairman Meow to attack all Republicanos in mi barrio
¡Hola! The POCHO management team is hustling for our January 2nd re-launch. As you will see from our launch promo video, we didn’t have a lot of time to audition many spokes-avatars. At least he gets the point across, sort of. POCHO is launching and we are looking forward to bringing you the freshest & sassiest News y Satire when it does. Meantime, check out our Facebook page and sign up for our mailing list so you can keep up with us.
7. Get a new job to supplement income from five other jobs
6. Take a vacation at one of those nice FEMA camps
5. Quit drinking alcohol that doesn’t get me fucked up really fast
4. Reduce financial stress by picking up a hobby, like bank robbing, or writing a hit song
3. Start eating my 10-year supply of freeze-dried survival food
2. “Party Like It’s 2012”
And my top New Year’s Resolution for 2012:
What are your New Year’s resolutions? Post them here!
Holiday greetings from all of us here at POCHO!