When news broke Friday that GOP presidential nominee wannabe Texas Governor Rick Perry (photo) was indicted on two counts of abuse of power, we were pissed off because we were in the middle of a conference call and didn’t that grand jury know our meeting schedule and publishing deadlines?
We realized later, however, that we had a treasure trove of Perry-ana that could be given fresh life on the Interwebs with a cool big-ass image of Perry, a clever headline and lots of SEO-friendly keywords.
POCHO proudly presents PREVIOUSLY ON INDICTED TEXAS GOVERNOR RICK PERRY THEATRE:
Speaker of the House John Boehner has the sad now that his GOP bromantic buddy Majority Leader Eric Cantor is stepping down. What’s that? Water gushing from Boehner’s ojos? Elise Roedenbeck’s musical dramatization is called Tear Drops for Eric Cantor.
(PNS reporting from PASADENA) Bob Lowe recently discovered that — for some reason — he is disliked by all his coworkers.
He explained the confusing situation to PNS Wednesday afternoon as he poured himself the last cup of coffee, left the empty pot on the heating element, and walked away without making more.
“I just don’t get it, you know?” he said. “I mean, maybe I take peoples’ lunches sometimes, big deal, you know? What did you think was gonna happen if you left food in the fridge?”
Lowe’s officemates on the eleventh floor have complained to company Vice President of Human Resources Mike Cervantes numerous times about Lowe’s inability to keep deadlines, hapless attempts to get others to do his work, refusal to learn new things, terrible personal hygiene and general rudeness in the 10 months since he was hired, but to no avail.
The one-time GOP nominee wannabe Perry is so underwhelming that when he walks into a room, it seems as if someone just left.
Rick Perry is so stupid he peels M&M’s to make chocolate chip cookies. Rick Perry is so stupid he went to the dentist for Bluetooth. Rick Perry is so stupid he forgot his own talking points in a Republican presidential debate.
Think about it: Republican voters in the primaries liked Rick Perry even LESS than Mitt Romney.
But enough about Rick Perry. What about MY needs?
Loser and liar Willard “Mitt” Romney finally got something correct! The overwhelming Latino margin for President Bronco Bama was entirely due to “gifts” the Democrats used as bribes. Here are the top eight:
8. Taco Tuesdays covered by Obamacare
7. Rick Bayless gets full-time gig with Food and Drug Administration (Drug Division)
6. New “path to citizenship:” SuperLotto
(PNS reporting from BOSTON) Mitt Romney woke up a broken man Wednesday morning and experienced something unimaginable: He had become part of the 47%.
“I never thought this would happen to me; my whole life has been turned upside-down,” he told PNS.
A moping Romney emerged from his down-quilted bed and silk sheets at about 7AM and wandered down to breakfast where his staff had prepared farm-raised, hand-fed chicken eggs with organic arugula imported from South America and water imported from France. And then he made the call he had been dreading — a call to his chauffeur, Carlos Peres.
Dejected Romney then began one of the hardest car rides in the back of a custom-made limousine of his life: to the nearest office of Massachusetts’ Department of Unemployment Assistance.
Our homies at NBC Latino are reporting that Aryanzona SB1070 creator and sloppy sack of sadness Russell Pearce has lost what is hopefully his final political campaign. We at POCHO are celebrating and gloating that this racist pendejo has been taken out by a fellow Republican.
Hopefully he can join bag o’ drunken bones AZ Governor Jan Brewer at her rest home soon, and they can complain together about their Mexican adult care attendants.
See ya, don’t let Arizona hit you on the ass!