PREVIOUSLY ON GREAT MOMENTS IN LATINO HISTORY:
What if real doctors took their cues from the remedios used by Latina moms? It might look something like this….
8. Denial – It’s not that hot. Maybe you are trying to impress your old country relatives, or a date, or anyone. But you know better. It’s hot and it stings.
7. Exaggerated mouth breathing – No one has ever confirmed that breathing heavily in and out of your mouth, as though you were doing lamaze, makes the chile any less hot, but you try it anyway.
6. Drinking water – Predictable. This doesn’t help of course. Drink milk* which does.
Abuela knows best, amirite?
She recommends these old-fashioned remedios for whatever ails you:
Does it matter that you don’t eat chile? Or that this special hot sauce will burn a hole in your ulcer? No, eat it, you’ll see how much better you feel.
7. Nopal or linaza (cactus or flax seed)
If there’s something wrong with you, let’s flush it out. Sure, you will be spending the next week in the bathroom, but by the time you come out, whatever was ailing you will be long gone.
6. Rubbing an egg all over you while saying a prayer. (Una limpia con huevo)
Did your abuelita learn this ritual in church? Hell no, but for whatever reason, when she’s rubbing a cold egg all over you saying a Catholic prayer, it somehow makes you feel better. By the time that egg sucks up whatever evil eye someone gave you, the idea that this ritual is strange and old world will have slipped your mind.