Argentine Chef Maru Botana Crucified On Twitter For Mocking Mexican Food was the headline in the “Latin Times,” an English-language website despite its name. Maria G. Valdez reporting [*Latin translation by Google below.]:
Somewhere in Texas, it takes a village for a tortilla chip fiesta!
PREVIOUSLY ON TEXAS FOOD THEATRE:
Here in San Angeles there would be no restaurants without Mexicans in the kitchen. But they’re not cooking what you think.
(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) Previously-secret startup MasaTek.com today unveiled a hardware/software combo that uses 3D printing to print corn or flour tortillas with the religious or brand image of your choice.
“The waiting is over!” Carlos Molinero, president of the Silicio Barrio company, told reporters here. “You need Jesus? He’s just a click away. La Virgen is always on deck!”
The WiFi-enabled printer is the size of a small microwave and has a hopper on top for masa. It uses open source 3D software, Molinero said, and is easily addressable with standard CAD tools.
(PNS reporting from Edinburg, TX) A corn tortilla was released from its physical shell and achieved enlightenment last night when it was inadvertently consumed by fire during Gil Trejo’s dinner preparations.
The University of South Texas assistant professor of Latin American literature was heating the traditional Mexican flat bread to accompany leftover frijoles con queso when he became distracted by an intense scene in the sitcom How I Met Your Mother. He sat down in his living room, thoughtlessly leaving the comal unattended.
Alone, on the flat metal griddle, the tortilla de maiz burst into flames, releasing its essence from saṃsāra and leaving behind naught but the charred husk of its temporary shell.
(PNS reporting from OXNARD, CA) Sam Fuentes is certain he and his kids would be dead today if God hadn’t intervened.
“The Lord Almighty — with a strong hand and an outstretched arm — saved us from the Grim Reaper, that’s for sure!” the Del Norte businessman and father of two told PNS. “That salsa coulda killed us, but it didn’t.”
Fuentes called the POCHO ñewsroom tipline (408-POCHO-28) to share his story.
The brush with death by salsa, his voicemail said, began Sunday morning after church when he began preparing pot roast for his children Selena, 9, and Chente, 11, who were “his” over the weekend per terms of the custody agreement with his ex-wife Evangelina.
“I got the recipe right off the Internets from the Herdez gente. I trust Herdez Salsa Casera. I have toda confianza, just like the label says. It’s Mexico’s favorite and my mom always swore by it,” Fuentes said:
First prepare the sauce, then cook the sauce, then add the eggs, then fill up that breakfast taco! Florida college student Constanza Gallardo makes Huevos Ahogados — drowned eggs — for her Mexican Breakfast.
When you have no gravity but want a sammich on the International Space Station, what’s a hungry astronaut to do? Canuckian spaceman Chris Hadfield makes outer space burritos with peanut butter and honey.
WAIT! WE HAVE ANOTHER SPACE BURRITO VIDEO:
When you’ve got a lot left over, you need a big beautiful burrito! Jerry Springer reports.
She’s a popular math geek on Youtube with mad origami skillz and she takes a special approach to making a burrito.
(PNS reporting from DENVER) Felix Garcia is out of the closet. The Five Points resident called friends and family together yesterday to confess the secret he had kept hidden for so long:
I just didn’t want anyone to think I wasn’t Mexican enough. I mean, corn is OK and everything, but oh my God, a good flour tortilla is unlike anything else!
Advertising executive Garcia (photo) spent most of his life feigning a preference for corn over flour, hoping that no one would notice his secret stash hidden in the deli drawer of the fridge, under the cold cuts, cream cheese and lox.
7. Buckingham Palace #FAIL: No ham, no bucking.
6. Your Tio Nono has more teeth than half the town combined.
8. Beans, beans the magical fruit
7. The tortilla is the perfect shape and size for religious apparitions and spiritual experiences
6. Manteca — it’s the new kombucha
5. Pronouncing “chipotle” deemed World’s Best Tongue Exercise by Women’s Love Commission