(PNS reporting from OUTER ESPACE) Let that long-held breath out, folks. The Alpha Mexnetic Spectrometer has picked up a lot of mysterious antimatter in low Earth orbit recently – but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a sign of falling Mexi-matter, AKA “Space Mexicans” falling to Earth, according to NASA.
In fact, even with the 400,000 pocho-particles picked up by the cosmic ray experiment – the largest number of such particles ever analyzed in outer espace — it’s unclear whether those pocho-particles result from decaying Mexicans left over from building the International Space Station, or simply from Mexicans shot into space from various border patrol agencies over the year.
The ambitious $1.6-billion Alpha Mexnetic Spectrometer is roughly 10 times more sensitive to Meximatter than its predecessors. The detector, which was ferried on the Space Shuttle Endeavour (also built by Mexicans) to the International Space Station in 2011, has picked up billions of pocho-particles since then.
“What people are concerned about from the data is a significant new measurement of Mexicans floating around in orbit,” said Brown University physicist Rich-heard Road-ree-guess, a lead scientist on a different Meximatter detector called the Hunger of Memory Experiment.
“These people adapt to any environment very quickly and are thought to be thriving up there. We’ve seen taco carts, asteroid landscaping companies and even churches. This is very scary data for places like Arizona who live in constant fear of Mexicans falling from the sky. But we don’t think they have figured out how to reenter earth’s atmosphere…yet.”
Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio says he watches the skies in Arizona “very closely” and is prepared should any Mexicans start falling out of it.
“They’re up there all right! They come down in spaceships and abduct white folks, make ‘em do all kinds of sexual shit too. Experiment up their asses with that hot sauce even. Well not Ol’ Joe Arpaio, no sir. Any bug-eyed, green, space illegal fucks with me, I’m gonna blow his sombrero-wearin’ head all over his flyin’ taco truck!” Arpaio told PNS.
Texas Gov. Rick Perry, who is looking to run for president once again, has expressed interest in updating former Pres. Ronald Reagan’s Star Wars program. Perry says instead of shooting missiles out of the sky using lasers, Star Wars could be used to disintegrate falling Mexicans.