Oh sure old age, weakness, lack of energy, blah blah blah. From our homeboy inside the Vatican, the Jesuit formerly known as Lil Stanky, here are the Infallible VIII reasons Pope Benedict XVI really resigned:
VIII Not down with the red Gucci slippers
VII Wants to spend more time with the kids
VI Time to start his jihad against the LAPD
V He wants to run for President. ¡Viva El Papa 2016!
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IV Leaving to devote more energy to his budding MMA career
III He’s the new CEO of Death Row Records
II Moving to Vermont and opening an antique shop with disgraced Los Angeles Cardinal Mahony
And the numero uno reason Pope Benedict is really resigning is…
Third Death Star now fully operational and he wants to go out on top
PREVIOUSLY ON POCHO POPE WATCH:
- The Pope’s on Twitter and Vatican nuns stage a fashion show (video)
- The Pope’s Pocho Ocho relaxed rules for Catholics besides condoms