It’s no secret: The Grand Old Party needs some new blood.
If the Republican Party, formerly the “Party of Lincoln,” is to succeed nationally, it needs more women, “minorities,” and younger voters. Old angry reactionary white people is not a growing constituency.
Here are Pocho Ocho ways the GOP can bring more young voters aboard:
8. Refer to them as “whippersnappers”
7. Say “dang-fangled” as much as possible
6. Promise 72 virgins to new party members
5. Convince new recruits of the fun they’ll have explaining “The Twitter” to fellow Republicans
4. Ditto “The Google”
3. Two words: Jello molds!
2. Ted Nugent-autographed Cat Scratch Fever guitar picks
And the numero uno way for the GOP to lure back young voters is...
Photo of old dude not in any way connected with the GOP or this article (as far as we know) via Old People in Hats.