Shocking study links global warming and Latino immigration

Courtesy 'International Correlations of Climatology'

(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) The warmer the U.S. gets, the more Latinos live here. That’s the controversial conclusion of a scientific study released Thursday by the Demographic Climatology Trend Institute at Maricopa County Community College.

“We don’t know if the warmer weather makes El Norte a more comfortable place to live for Mexicans used to desert living, you know, with the sombreros and cacti and burros, or that the number of brown people on our side of the border means more sunlight is getting absorbed and kicking up the thermometer,” said Assistant Professor of Ignorametry Joe “Junior” Arapaio.

The scientific study, reported in the academic journal International Correlations of Climatology,  correlated average temperatures with the proportion of Latinos in the general U.S. population. And every year temperatures went up, more Latinos were in the U.S.

“The real question is which is cause and which is effect,” Arapaio told PNS:

Could it be a sort of ‘picante effect’ as more hot chile peppers are chopped up into pico de gallo and the consequential heating up of the atmosphere as the fumes escape into the air? We don’t know.

Maybe they’re just coming here because a warmer U.S. makes it easier to wear huaraches, serapes or those really long-toed grotesquely-deformed cowboy boots. No se, chico.

Climate change skeptics immediately pointed out that “correlation is not causation” and noted that every single convicted murderer on Death Row drank milk as a baby.

“This is a typical socialist Obama pointy-head elite know-it-all East Coast mainstream media conspiracy Davos New World Order  Illuminati Federal Reserve smokescreenistic propaganda ploy,” said Theo Parté of the Restore Patently Obsolete Traditional Values Coalition.  “They’re pulling the race card out of their butts and waving it in front of the cameras.”

“Does that mean milk causes murder?” he asked. “Why else would Michelle Obama be promoting milk as part of a healthy diet?”

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