PREVIOUSLY ON TRUMP FAMILY CIRCUS:
The supremely weird (what else is new?) Inca Roads was the opening track on Frank Zappa’s 1975 LP One Size Fits All. Zappa and friends explore the racist cable TV theory that ancient illegal space aliens built the civilization of the Incas, because ancient Incas were not smart enough to do it themselves because brown. [George Duke, vocals and keyboards; Ruth Underwood, marimba.]
Mira las palabras:
Did you like President Barack Obama’s speech yesterday? Did his thoughtful and inspiring words make you long for a wonderful, golden past when you didn’t wake up afraid of what the Cult45 regime and its collaborators did overnight?
WAKE UP, SHEEPLE! Obama’s birth certificate is a copy and paste forgery, according to this dispatch from the racist pendejo who was part of defeated and disgraced Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Obama white wing “birther” hit squad. In this alternative facts universe, where the Sandy Hook school shooting massacre was faked, gun control is TREASON! and more:
In Kentucky, aka KY, the state with the same initials as a popular personal lubricant, County Attorney John K. Carter says being Hispanic is reason enough for a motorist to be pulled over by police in Oldham County. In open court. With video rolling. And the defense attorney pretends she didn’t hear that, just like the lady judge didn’t hear that either. That’s why they need the KY.
After all, only 1.3% of the county is Hispanic, so who even cares? And why are they here in this posh Louisville suburb anyhow? Hispanics be like lazy, collecting welfare and food stamps, speaking Espanish and stealing jobs from white people, am I right?
“Oh no, I di-int,” Prosecutor Carter esplained later [paraphrase], according to The Courier Journal:
LiveLeak’s Jeffrey Barber has some serious warnings for you guys so listen up, K?
The pulsating you can see on this desk are YOYO NIOPION. These are extraterrestrial termites. They voraciously consumer not only wood, but everything. I mean EVERYTHING! but stone. They eat glass, steel, aluminum, plastic, wood, but most of all, they like, lithium. They thrive on lithium.
The two places that lithium is big in our reality are batteries, and in our brains. The YOYO NIOPION eat both of these things.
Scary, right? You don’t know the half of it!
A concerned viewer from Georgia called CSPAN to expose the Environmental Protection Agency’s secret anti-Christian pro-abortion gay Latino agenda, planned in conjunction with the Sierra Club. The international conspiracy seeks to reduce human population. It happened in Rio, as it turns out.
Mexicans and Anglo Americans are exactly alike. You are just as racist Mejicanoh, oh wait, I mean, Chicano… Meixcan American… I forget, you don’t consider yourselves Mexican… or do you. You MeCHA Aztlanersss get me all confused. Or wait, you don’t consider yourselves Latino but rather.. MESSICAN!
ANYWAYS… so, as I was saying, you share the same RACIST views, in fact, you’re no different than right wing Caucasian Americans, whom at least are upfront about their racism and xenophobia, you’re more aligned with Liberal Democrats whom subversively are racist.
Like a Biblical prophet of doom, a God-fearing Christian Conservative who tracks “Degenerate Culture” is trumpeting the news of a clear and present danger:
Hot and spicy tortilla chips are destroying the AMERICA WE LOVE WHICH USED TO EAT LOTS OF PATRIOTIC POTATO CHIPS NOT THESE ADDICTIVE ALIEN ABOMINATIONS.
Derby Mac (An American Patriot who has dedicated his life to loving his country and preparing his family for the National Apocalypse. He would like to thank the Founding Fathers, President Reagan and Jesus Christ for the opportunity to share Wisdom) writes:
They’re dark. They’re spicy. They’re one of the most alluring treats in our food aisles today. For a child, they’re something fancy, like attending a birthday party in a collared shirt.
For a man home alone, a single bag is as good as an entire meal. But what are we really getting ourselves into with these flashy foreign snacks?
Should we be at all concerned that Doritos are now more popular than good old-fashioned American potato chips?
Hey! I took Russki in college. Труп чупакабры в Венесуэле means “corpse of a chupacabra [found] in Venezuela.”
First came the toilet paper shortage which Maduro blamed on imperialist sabotage, although he later tried to paint it as an example of his economic successes, claiming Venezuelan shit production had reached record levels, thereby outstripping the papel hygenico supply.
Did the United States government kill Tupac Shakur and Michael Jackson as part of a plot to “control African-American youth through their music?” Former Defense Department operative Robert Connors says we’ll find out Monday next week! [Note: We tried to run a copy of this video earlier today but it was removed from LiveLeak just after we published our story at 7:30 AM. Please email firstname.lastname@example.org if you see a ‘video no longer exists’ screen before we notice it. Gracias.]
(PNS reporting from EL BRONX) Almost every adult American remembers where they were on Sept. 11, 2001, but few remember more vividly than Bronx janitor Alberto Qaeda.
“That was the first time I ever got my ass kicked. And the second time. And the third,” recalls Qaeda, who used to go by the more informal name of “Al.”
Qaeda (photo), who was 17 in 2001, was a student at City College of New York studying to be a cashier when the first plane crashed into the World Trade Center.
Venezuelan Vice President Nicolas Maduro (he may be the new president by the time you read this) has accused the United Estates of poisoning dead Hugo Chavez with special commie-killing cancer.
We talked to our sources in the intelligence community to compile the pocho ocho most likely ways the U.S. could have given Commissar Chavez the deadly disease:
7. Pinche high-fructose corn syrup
6. GMO salmon
Pope Benedict XVI may have left the building, but investigators claim something is still rotten in Vatican City. They say the Roman Catholic Church is hiding evidence of extraterrestrial visitors — evidence that includes the remains of a dead ET buried beneath the Vatican.
Don’t say we didn’t tell you – especially the part about the brain bank cities on the dark side of the Moon! (NSFW language.)
Sarah Silverman explains how right wing forces are trying to disenfranchise millions of Americans with bogus “voter ID legislation” and how you can fight back. (Totally NSFW language.)