asshole

Trump proposes fines for Latinos who say they’re ‘American’

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Latinos pissed, aggressively emphasize America not a country

(PNS reporting from MANHATTAN) For years, Latinos have insisted that they are also “Americans.” Now, U.S. President Donald Trump plans to fine them each time they use the term.

Latin-Americans have well-known fury from being excluded from the “American” membership. Each time a U.S. citizen identifies as American, the resulting argument is more intense than deciding which abuela makes the best tamales.

Mas…Trump proposes fines for Latinos who say they’re ‘American’

Orange President salutes Black History Month (transcript, audio, toon)

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Our historic President knows more about Black History Month than the last President, who was not so historic.

And instead of teaching us in American, the President is going to speak English to you, you know, to class up the history of this carnage-loving people, his African-Americans.

Our speech researchers here at the National Pochismo Institute took Wednesday’s speech transcript and ran it through a text-to-speech thang with a British-accented robo-bloke. And it sounds classy! You’ve never heard classy as bigly as this — all the words — the best words — plus a Ben Carson shoutout — and some bragging, lots of lies, and ignorance in abundance. Not to mention dissing CNN and non sequitors, slang, and muddled thinking. You’re welcome, mate.

Mira el transcript, with notes from POCHO’s Comic Saenz, and audio below:

Mas…Orange President salutes Black History Month (transcript, audio, toon)

Donald Trump is The Great Baboso

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bigbabosoFor those of you not familiar with the Spanish word “baboso,” it generally refers to someone that is irresponsible or not intelligent. And its close cousin “babosadas,” refers to when a person talks nonsense or rubbish. In the current political atmosphere, the words are apt. Indeed, the words go a long way to explain why the world seems to be upside down at the moment.

EXIT . . . STAGE LEFT

Mas…Donald Trump is The Great Baboso

Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Pocho Ocho Top Unsolved Mysteries (video)

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Maricopa County Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio told a Tea Party meeting Tuesday he is still investigating President Obama’s birth certificate, which he says is a forgery.

But that’s not all! These are Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Pocho Ocho Top Unsolved Mysteries:

8. Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?

7. Fucking magnets, how do they work?

6. Who cut the cheese?

Mas…Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Pocho Ocho Top Unsolved Mysteries (video)

Batsh1t crazy TX Rep. Louie Gohmert: Beware of gays in space! (videos)

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Congressman Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) has deep feels about his gay brothers and sisters in space because an asteroid killed the dinosaurs and what about extra-terrestrial colonies like Matt Damon and God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. He shared his concerns on the floor of the United States House of Representatives in late May.

INVERSE reports:

Mas…Batsh1t crazy TX Rep. Louie Gohmert: Beware of gays in space! (videos)

Pocho Ocho things Donald Trump wants you to know about Mexicans

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Because he wants to make America great again, GOP presidential nominee wannabe Donald Trump shared some nasty knowledge about Mexican immigrants when he announced his candidacy Tuesday (video).

trumpovercombThey’re rapists, he said, and bring crime and drugs.

But that’s not all! Here are are Pocho Ocho top things Donald Trump also wants you to know about Mexicans:

8. If you rub a Mexican’s tummy just the right way, they’ll wiggle they brown little arms and legs and say “Squee squee squee” but in Mexican of course.

7. Mexican show business is infested with thesbians.

6. Mexicans are so crazy lazy they will take your job.

Mas…Pocho Ocho things Donald Trump wants you to know about Mexicans

Been indicted and it feels so good: The Governor Rick Perry Story

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rickperryhorseWhen news broke Friday that GOP presidential nominee wannabe Texas Governor Rick Perry (photo) was indicted on two counts of abuse of power, we were pissed off because we were in the middle of a conference call and didn’t that grand jury know our meeting schedule and publishing deadlines?

We realized later, however, that we had a treasure trove of Perry-ana that could be given fresh life on the Interwebs with a cool big-ass image of Perry, a clever headline and lots of SEO-friendly keywords.

POCHO proudly presents PREVIOUSLY ON INDICTED TEXAS GOVERNOR RICK PERRY THEATRE:

Mas…Been indicted and it feels so good: The Governor Rick Perry Story

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