I always knew that we Chicano men were devious but I never realized just how much. I must admit I have always been the weak-willed type as far as temptation goes, but these past holidays really brought out the worst in me.
I was busy petting my dog named Vato, right before Christmas, when I accidentally hosed down la suegra just as I was finishing watering the lawn. Good thing I was leaving for work.
I heard her say as I was leaving, “¡Desgraciado, hijo de la chi…..! So I quickly drove off. But as I did, I heard her shout out to my wife, “I told you he was evil! How, can I go to Mass all wet, and I wanted so much to show off my new Sunday dress to all my friends.”
Needless to say, I’m glad I left the house rather quickly. Have you ever seen two angry Chicanas gang up on one innocent Chicano? Well, it’s not pretty.
Student film? Bad Accent Video Theatre? Whatever! El Amor de Mi Amante is mini-telenovela brought to you by Taco Bell and this year’s hottest new fragrance — Twist!
PREVIOUSLY ON BAD SPANISH ACCENT VIDEO THEATRE:
In Peru, love hurts. Next step: Couples counseling?
We were both virgins when we were married so it didn’t come up before, but it’s making things difficult in the bedroom. She won’t allow anything other than straight “missionary position” and seems to treat it more as a chore than fun and she doesn’t experience orgasm but that’s no big deal as far as she is concerned.
What am I doing wrong? I thought this was a gift from God that we were both supposed to enjoy.
Is that all there is?
Murder is a crime. Divorce is a sin. Adultery isn’t always what it’s made up to be in the novelas. I don’t have any advice for you. What were you thinking by being a virgin groom? I should smack you with a wet rosary for being such a menso.
Do you still have your Gift from God receipt? If so, you may want to consider returning your gift because it’s not working. I sure hope you both make it to heaven because your marriage sounds like a sexless hell. Unless you change religions, eso es todo. Que triste!
Adoringly, Tu Abuelita