Los Flintstones en Español: Wait ’til Fred y Barney get home! (video)

Fred and Barney come back from buying frutas frescas — watching out for the bank robbers mentioned in the car radio news alert — and you won’t believe what happens next!

Here it is en Ingles:

  • Fred and Barney joke about fresh fruit being wasted on their wives.
  • The guys “nerd shame” another guy building an airplane for the science show.
  • Fred is not supportive when Wilma and Betty invite them to the Women’s Art Show for good luck.
  • Bad guitar solos

Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s State of the Union gave us a sad

barackonDespite the his many significant accomplishments and chingon new proposals, we were disappointed by what President Obama didn’t say at Tuesday night’s State of the Union address.

Here are the Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s SOTU gave us a sad:

8. Still no federal funding for Flying Trocas research.

7. Didn’t announce plan to make Ted Cruz first U.S. ambassador to Cuba.

6. No tax cuts for tamale entrepreneurs, thus no Pedro Herrera III in the audience to give a shout out to.

Mas…Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s State of the Union gave us a sad

Robin Williams reads Pablo Neruda’s ‘Sonnet XVII’ (video)

In the film Patch Adams, Hunter “Patch” Adams — played by the late Robin Williams — “commits himself into a mental institution. Once there, he finds that using humor to help his fellow inmates gives him a purpose in life….”

Sonnet XVII
By Pablo Neruda

I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as one loves certain obscure things,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

Mas…Robin Williams reads Pablo Neruda’s ‘Sonnet XVII’ (video)

Man disappointed with ‘What Selena Character are You?’ quiz result

Yolanda Corpus 2(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) During his morning coffee break, local accountant, Lawrence “Lencho” Flores, completed a survey that appeared on his Facebook timeline called, What Selena Character are You? According to sources, Flores was deeply disappointed with the result of Yolanda Saldivar as his character.

According to the quiz, Flores is Yolanda Saldivar who “when you feel slighted, watch out!”

Mas…Man disappointed with ‘What Selena Character are You?’ quiz result

Modern Day Classics: Lighter Shade of Brown, Latin Active

latin active

Lighter Shade of Brown is an iconic group for Latino Hip-Hop.  The Southern California duo of Robert Gutierrez and Bobby Ramirez entered into the Chicano consciousness in 1990 with their album, Brown and Proud. Featuring the singles, On a Sunday Afternoon and Latin Active, the album is a modern day classic.

Mijo, these Tenis are nice, pero solamante uso Botas

oldhandsDear Mijo:

Muchas gracias for the regalos de mi Cumple! I thought the libros were great. Is this the book about that show on HBO con los lobos? We don’t watch HBO much porque tu Mom sees her Novelas y esa muchacha Rachel Maddow. Se enoja after watching her program. Va hacer volunteer con la guera, Wendy Davis. Dice qu no vieno a este país para que sus hijas no tenga oportunidades.

Pero, tu sabes I like leyendo better than seeing la Tele. Mijo, internet surfing counts as reading! A mi me gusta leer los periódicos en Mexico y el New York Times. Si, tambien leo el Perez Hilton. Mijo, I don’t have to be reading Enrique Krauze todo el tiempo.

Mas...Mijo, these Tenis are nice, pero solamante uso Botas

Area couple survives loud radio station promo van at grocery store

ranchosinaloa(PNS reporting from EDINBURG, TX)  They just about went deaf, but Alcario and Isela Garza braved a radio station’s sonic assault and managed to safely enter the Rancho Sinaloa grocery store here yesterday.

The Garzas — who had just left their yoga class — entered the relatively-quiet food market after surviving 150 decibels of banda coming from a radio station’s “Chingona Van.” The painted-like-a-billboard electric blue truck was parked next to the front entrance, blasting Banda Machos’s La Culebra at top volume.

Radio La Chingona, the Rio Grande Valley’s number one station, was giving out free bumper stickers and hotdogs, and Las Chingonas — two women in radio station cheerleader outfits — were spinning a roulette wheel that awarded two tickets to the station’s upcoming Noches Ranchera festival featuring Paquita del Barrio. The FM station proudly advertises “you’ll never know what we’ll play next.”

Mas…Area couple survives loud radio station promo van at grocery store

Mom puts cross on son’s front lawn to mark another failed relationship

crossonlawn(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) Sara Maestas placed a two-foot-high cruz on her only son’s lawn early this morning — a cross in remembrance of his latest failed relationship.

The 32-year-old transactional lawyer got dumped Saturday night by his novia, less than 20 minutes after he blew off a dinner date. And now his mother’s white polystyrene cross, adorned with flowers, sits front and center on Benjamin Maestas’ lawn in Montrose.

Just before a scheduled 6 PM Saturday rendezvous at Hugo’s Regional Mexican Cuisine, girlfriend Vicki Gardea got a text from Maestas saying he couldn’t meet due to “a short deadline to close on a shopping center for a multinational client.”

Mas…Mom puts cross on son’s front lawn to mark another failed relationship

Breaking: TX boy, 9, slays Mexican boogeyman El Cucuy, 521

elcucuy(PNS reporting from SEGUIN, TX) A nine-year-old boy killed El Cucuy Tuesday night.

El Cucuy, AKA the Mexican Boogeyman, was pronounced dead at 10:30 PM at the Balli family residence here.  The legendary monster was said to be 521, with a birth date pegged in 1492.

It was a more or less typical evening for the Balli family, according to a Guadalupe County Sheriff’s detective familiar with the case. There was no hint of the trouble to come, he said, “when boy’s parents threatened the perpetrator with El Cucuy if he didn’t brush his teeth before he went to bed.”

The youth, who turned nine July 13, refused, the officer said, so his parents summoned El Cucuy to the modest ranch-style home.

El Cucuy (file photo, above) manifested in the kid’s room around 9:40 PM, according to the investigator, and was killed during a brief firefight by “some type of particle-beam weapon” created by the boy.

The room was “a mess with comic books and plasma everywhere,” he said, and El Cucuy’s remains “looked and smelled like burnt frijoles.”

Mas…Breaking: TX boy, 9, slays Mexican boogeyman El Cucuy, 521

Chicano concludes ‘Pacific Rim’ is not a movie about his MEChAs

pacificrimmecha(PNS reporting from EL PASO) Fabian Ramirez expressed deep disappointment Wednesday night as he left the 7PM showing of Pacific Rim at the Premiere Cinema 18 at Bassett Place Mall.

The 42-year-old father of three teenagers told PNS he heard the “movie was about MEChA” and “wanted to expose my kids to a movie about Chicanos.” Ramirez, a former chair of the Movimiento Estudiantil Chicano(a) de Aztlan (MEChA) at the University of Texas campus here, gathered his children Vladimir, Xochitl and Emiliano for what he hoped would be a big family night out: Seeing “Chicanos fighting against the power structure of AmeriKKKa.”

Instead, Ramirez found the “the movie was about these big robots piloted by military shooting monsters.”

“Pacific Rim,” he sadly concluded, “is not about my MEChAs.”

Mas…Chicano concludes ‘Pacific Rim’ is not a movie about his MEChAs

Texas Senate to ban ‘non-traditional’ colored sneakers on floor

wendysneakersbig(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) The Texas Senate is set to pass legislation to ban “non-traditional” colored sneakers on the chamber floor.

Sen. Dan Ireland (R-Dallas) introduced Senate Bill 5 to “raise sartorialism of the chamber by mandating the use of traditional colors of sneakers.”

The Texas legislature has begun its second special session to push through legislation that sent thousands of Texans to the Capitol to protest last week.  Ireland called these Texans the “unruly mob, whose decorum and multi-colored footwear, left much to be desired.”

SB5 “mandates that all sneakers worn shall be plain white.”

Mas…Texas Senate to ban ‘non-traditional’ colored sneakers on floor

Dr. Gonzo Oscar Zeta Acosta sees shadow, will hide for another year

(PNS reporting from MEXICO) Famed Chicano attorney Oscar Zeta Acosta — who “disappeared without a trace” in Mexico 40 years ago — has once again seen his shadow while sitting on the wharf in San Blas, Nayarit. Now he’ll have to live a life of secret exile for another year.

Acosta, now 78, sits on a comfortable chair overlooking the Pacific every June 1. If he sees his shadow before a certain time, Acosta announces, “I have paid all my debts, I have paid all my dues and now nothing remains but the joy of madness. Another Indian gone amok.”

He made that exact announcement in a workingman’s waterfront pulque bar 10 days ago, PNS has learned.

Mas…Dr. Gonzo Oscar Zeta Acosta sees shadow, will hide for another year

Flash: Worker slips into Canada, becomes first NAFTA mojado

(PNS reporting from CANADIA) David Pérez became the first NAFTA mojado when he crossed illegally into Canadia Saturday.

The undocumented worker from Jalpa, Zacatecas first crossed the Rio Grande into the United States near San Elizario, TX, 10 years ago seeking employment in El Norte.

After working in El Paso for a year doing construction, he continued north, staying with relatives in Denver, Chicago, and Minnesota.

“I kept searching for El Norte and there was always more Norte to explore,” Pérez told PNS.

Mas…Flash: Worker slips into Canada, becomes first NAFTA mojado

Not everyone hates GMO foods; Itty Bitty Mexicans back GMO frijoles

(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) A rainy day failed to damper the spirits of people marching against Genetically Modified Organisms in downtown Austin Thursday.

With signs proclaiming JUST SAY NO TO GMO, the crowd rallied on the steps of the Capitol to protest the “seeds of destruction” they say GMO foods present to society.

Not all the people at the rally supported that viewpoint, however.

“Frijoles should be GMO, so Mexicans can grow,” said Richard Salazar, a software engineer who stands 5’6″ tall and is the president of the local chapter of Itty Bitty Mexicans or IBMs.

Mas…Not everyone hates GMO foods; Itty Bitty Mexicans back GMO frijoles

Raza in Espace: Commander Chakotay, indigenista Starfleet officer

  The future includes brown. We’ve seen Raza captain spaceships, battle real aliens, and go where no mestizo has gone before. They invent and create. In Raza in Espace, we will highlight Latino characters in science-fiction. Pues, Engage!

How do you rebel when you’re raised on an indigenista planet with a traditional tribal culture?

Teenage Chakotay left the tribe and entered Starfleet Academy, and grew up to
became a freedom fighter who engaged the Cardassians and became the voice of reason as Voyager’s first officer during their long journey back to the Alpha Quadrant.

He was also a mentor to Latina engineer, B’Elenna Torres and sported a bad-ass facial tattoo before Mike Tyson.

Commander Chakotay was raised on a planet on the border between the United Federation of Planets and Cardassian Union.

Mas…Raza in Espace: Commander Chakotay, indigenista Starfleet officer

Stoner Latino student calls woman’s mom a ‘wetback’ on Facebook

(PNS reporting from  SAN MARCOS, TX) Seventeen-year-old San Marcos High School senior Byron Chavez called someone’s mother a “wetback” in a comment on a Facebook photo yesterday — Mothers Day.

Chavez, the grandson of Mexican immigrants, used the W-word in response to a widely-circulated picture of a young woman at an immigration reform rally holding a sign reading “Fuck Weed. Legalize My Mom.”

Chavez posted “Fuck your wetback mom! Legalize Weed!” 30 minutes after his cousin Lauren Saucedo posted the image on her timeline .

“I was taken aback by his comment,”  Saucedo emailed PNS. “Our grandparents were immigrants who came from Mexico looking for a better future.”

Mas…Stoner Latino student calls woman’s mom a ‘wetback’ on Facebook

Corn tortilla achieves enlightenment on unattended Texas comal

tortillas on a comal(PNS reporting from Edinburg, TX) A corn tortilla was released from its physical shell and achieved enlightenment last night when it was inadvertently consumed by fire during Gil Trejo’s dinner preparations.

The University of South Texas assistant professor of Latin American literature was heating the traditional Mexican flat bread to accompany leftover frijoles con queso when he became distracted by an intense scene in the sitcom How I Met Your Mother. He sat down in his living room, thoughtlessly leaving the comal unattended.

Alone, on the flat metal griddle, the tortilla de maiz burst into flames, releasing its essence from saṃsāra and leaving behind naught but the charred husk of its temporary shell.

Mas…Corn tortilla achieves enlightenment on unattended Texas comal