(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) SpongeBob SquarePants is an undocumented immigrant whose family drifted into Bikini Bottom, Hawaii, from Mexico when he was child, the Nickelodeon star revealed this morning.
SquarePants (real name: Bob Esponja) made the announcement at packed press conference called by Animal Actors for Reform and Fairness (AARF), a pro-immigration reform group.
The reality TV actor plans to apply for President Obama’s Deferred Action program so he can work and drive legally.
“Sure — I’m absorbent. And porous. And as yellow as can be,” he said, his voice cracking, “but that doesn’t mean I should live in a piña under the sea.”
The immigrant rights movement has reached one of the most important milestones of the last two decades. Finally, politicians are responding to the demands of advocates asking to reform a broken immigration system that has marginalized millions of undocumented immigrants.
We see this in the form of Senate Bill 744 proposed by the Bipartisan Senate Coalition referred to as the “Gang-of-Eight” which is by far the most comprehensive piece of legislation we have seen in recent years. Such progress is due to the masses of brave DREAMers (undocumented youth) who came out of the shadows to declare their legal status for the purpose of telling their stories to the American public.
President Obama’s “deferred action” program is working out really well for DREAMer Aury Martinez. (NSFW audio.)
“Tone and rhetoric will be key,” is the message from Jennifer Korn, executive director of the Hispanic Leadership Network. Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FLA), who chairs the GOP’s Vendido Caucus, champions “a kinder, gentler racism.”
Top Republicans will receive a list of phrases that should never, ever be used when discussing immigration reform. Here are the pocho ocho things NEVER to say:
8. Git’ back in your beaner-mobile!
7. Speak inglish you ‘ignant brownie.
6. We ain’t need no anchor babies.
We know some of you are morons or racists or both. Different strokes, meng, different strokes. It’s cool. Here’s a transcript of the speech on immigration that Bronco Bama just delivered in Las Vegas, translated into easy-to-understand Moron. Just for you!
Dank you. It is good t’ be back in Las Begas.
And it is good t’ be among so many good friends. Let – let me start off by dankigg ebehybody at Del Sol High School f’ hostigg us.
Go Dragons. Let me especial dank your outstandigg principal, Lisa Primos (ph).
Dehe are all kinds of notaggle guests hehe, uh uh uh, but I dgust want t’ minion a few. Firss of all, our outstandigg secret of de Departmin of Homeland Security, Dganet Napolitano, is hehe.
Is that a green card in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Thrill as Sheriff Joe Arpaio returns in a Brand New Hate-Fest for the New Year!
Hold on to your seats as Still-Not-Dead-Yet Commie Super-Hero Hugo Chavez returns to reprise two of his greatest hits!
Smirk and snicker as CNN talking head Ruben Navarrette, Jr., who graduated from Harvard in case you didn’t know, tells those lazy DREAMers to sit up straight and quit talking or HE’S GOING TO STOP THE CAR and come back there. Dr. Rudy Acuña sets him straight.
These were the stories that broke the ñews on POCHO in the first week of 2013:
|Ruben Navarrette, Jr.||Dr. Rodolfo Francisco Acuña|
It’s the debate that’s burning up the blogosphere. Talking head and self-promoting Latino expert Ruben Navarrette, Jr. thinks those DREAMers are so SELFISH and LAME and NEEDY that they are drawing attention away from important topics, the most important of which is Navarrette who is no pinche DREAMer, thank you very much. Dr. Rodolfo Francisco Acuña, the father of Chicano Studies, responds.
Here are the two columns, side by side:
Sen. John Kyl, a Republican (surprise surprise!) from the Hate State of Arizona, is pleased to announce his online dating site for the young, undocumented and desperate.
Marry a citizen, become a citizen!
It’s just that easy with the “quick path to citizenship” from PendejoMatch.com.
Try Pendejo Match for free for 30 days or your money back! Just looking for love? Our sister site MojadoMingle.com is the place for you. Or maybe GueyDate.net.
Three undocumented Los Angeles students were given small video cameras to record their lives for three months. Limbo is their story.
Sitting in limbo, eh? Jimmy Cliff knows all about that:
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer has deemed California Gov. Jerry Brown an honorary citizen following his veto of the Golden State’s Trust Act which would have ended deportation of undocumented immigrants busted for minor offenses.
Jan Brewer, Arizona’s governor notorious for her signing of the state’s racial profiling bill, SB1070, issued Brown honorary residence in her state. “Anyone who can manage to deny basic protections to domestic workers, farm workers, and entire immigrant families, all in one night, is bound to need some friends,” explained Brewer. “I want him to know, Jerr, you’ve got a friend in me.”
Chico Mendez sings the song of dreamers: My Immigration Status. (NSFW language.)
Arizona hate made POCHO headlines again this week; the Pocho Ocho crew came up with Pro Tips for white-collar Latinos plus eight caveats for goofy gabachos; and while AZ Gov. Jan Brewja haunted POCHO, Jesus Christos El Luchador (who drinks Corona with a lime, btw) made a miraculous appearance.
These big stories broke the ñews on POCHO this week:
On Thursday, several elderly immigrants were hustled out in the Denver, CO immigration office trying to fake the required cutoff age of 30.
ICE reported that they found one viejito, known only as “Chavo,” hiding inside a barrel and dressed in in a striped shirt, red suspenders, brown khaki shorts and a propeller hat. ICE told PNS that the man was malnourished and kept asking for ham sandwiches.
(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Hundreds of thousands of undocumented immigrants brought to this country as children are applying today for a deportation reprieve under a new program established by the Obama administration.
DREAMers will receive a two-year deferment of deportation proceedings. If approved by U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, those DREAMers can also apply for a work permit and later reapply for another deportation deferment.
Some of the details of the program are still being ironed out. Eliseo Medrano of Aurora, who was lined up (photo, left) at the Chicago FCIS Office said, “I didn’t know there was going to be a talent portion to the application today. I suppose I can sing “Volver” or something.”
President Obama’s groundbreaking executive order halting the deportation of innocent kids brought cheers and hateful feedback from the right wing mediocracy, more Mexicans are bypassing the U.S. and heading to Canadia and a mathematician proved Chicanos have only one degree of separation.
The most popular POCHO stories that broke the ñews this week are right here: