Pocho Ocho weirdest things found in Columbus’ Santa Maria shipwreck

colombussantamariaThe wreck of slave-trader and hopelessly-lost “explorer” Christopher Columbus’ Santa Maria flagship has been found off the coast of Haiti, according to reports.

The ship’s five-century-old cannon was looted but archaeologists are excited by eight unusual items they were able to retrieve from the ship, the Pocho Ocho weirdest items found on the Santa Maria:

8. Antique syphilis specially imported into the Western Hemisphere by his crew

7. The most extensive collection of 15th-century porn ever found outside the Vatican Library

6. A Ferdinand and Isabella “after sex selfie” oil painting

Mas…Pocho Ocho weirdest things found in Columbus’ Santa Maria shipwreck

Screw Dora the Explorer and her pinche monkey too

I’ve got a problem with Dora the Explorer. I know you do too.

What the hell is the matter with television’s longest running bilingual toon whore?

This passive-aggressive little cow yells too much.

She asks a question, then waits silently for the answer while staring at you like a creep. I swear she can see me through the TV screen!

This unemployed bitch has been on air for almost 13 years now and she hasn’t figured out why her backpack is on acid and why her pet monkey stole her boots.

Ask the monkey, it fucking talks, dumbass!

Mas…Screw Dora the Explorer and her pinche monkey too