The wreck of slave-trader and hopelessly-lost “explorer” Christopher Columbus’ Santa Maria flagship has been found off the coast of Haiti, according to reports.
The ship’s five-century-old cannon was looted but archaeologists are excited by eight unusual items they were able to retrieve from the ship, the Pocho Ocho weirdest items found on the Santa Maria:
8. Antique syphilis specially imported into the Western Hemisphere by his crew
7. The most extensive collection of 15th-century porn ever found outside the Vatican Library
6. A Ferdinand and Isabella “after sex selfie” oil painting
5. A sailor’s diary with an entry describing the seamen’s disappointment with indigenous “tortillas” that contain no fried eggs
4. Real Madrid fleece hoodie
3. “Investor’s pitch deck” and business plan for Columbus’ next entrepreneurial venture, ColonizeBook.com
And the weirdest thing archaeologists found inside the wreck of the Santa Maria is …
The Spanish Inquisition. You just never know when to expect them.