The continued popularity of the molcajete (mortar) and companion tejolote (pestle) is a living example of the principle “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
But the odds are with us today (the Fourth Was With Us yesterday, and with you) so let’s get loqui with two of our favorite thematically-appropriate videos — Tacos by My Drunk Kitchen and Fresh Guacamole. Are you ready? Remember, kids don’t try these at home!
It’s hard to find decent Mexican food in London, but critic Richard Vines found three taquerias worth visiting in a report for Bloomberg TV. We were puzzled that the Limeys spell Oaxaca “Wahaca” but then we remembered that Brits are stupid with “foreign” terms — they pronounce “filet” like “fill-it,” for example. Food critic Vines does an exemplary job, however, with words like “molcajete.” PRO TIP FOR SEÑOR VINES: There is no such thing as “molcajete sauce.”
(PNS reporting from DIXIE) The City of Morrow, GA voted yesterday to ban “illegal alien paraphernalia.”
The small town (population 4882) banned the sale and use within the city limits of:
“Illegal alien paraphernalia including, but not limited to
- tortilla presses,
- international calling cards,
- Mexican Coca-Cola and
- Mexican soccer team accessories.”
The news wasn’t well received among Morrow’s small Hispanic community.
Five-year Morrow resident and Mexico native José Luis Gallegos said, “Qué se vayan a la chingada,” roughly translated as, “This is a heinous law.”
The minute we heard the United States Air Force had planned and carried out Operation Chimichanga, we knew there had to be more to the story. Our Pentagon sources confirmed the hunch: The inspiration for the “chimichanga” code name was the way the Tex-Mex fried-burrito-belly-busters incapacitated unwary diners every time. The brass hats’ hope was that secret teams in state-of-the-art aircraft could make the enemy moan just like fajita-fed TGIFridays customers on Cinco de Mayo.
There is more to the story — the pocho ocho secret Pentagon operations still in the planning stages:
8. Operation Don’t Drink the Water: Secret “wetback” forces from the Navy SEALS sneak into enemy territory and dose the water with “pedo-biotic” agents bioengineered to cause widespread “Montezuma’s Revenge.” This is expected to cause pandemic personal distress, lessen the enemy’s fighting capability and reduce water pressure.
7. Operation Hot Tamale: Inspired by the guetherman’s motto of “cool today, hot tamale,” stealthy airborne drones seed enemy skies with specially-formulated lard and masa pellets that trap your fat, screw your cholesterol and clot your veins.