Florida secedes from the union, no one seems to care very much

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) In a shocking post-election development, the state formerly known as Florida will no longer be a part of the United States of America. After gaining the required 25,000 petition signatures needed to elicit a response from the White House, Florida has been granted permission to secede from the U.S.

When asked why he was so swift to let the Sunshine State go, President Bronco Bama was concise:

Because fuck Florida.

As the dust settled in the wake of the President’s decisive re-election, the White House “We the People” website has been flooded by a series of secession requests from conservative crybabies from New Jersey to Oregon.

Mas…Florida secedes from the union, no one seems to care very much

Desperate Texas Democrats vote to secede from union

(PNS reporting from TEJAS) The votes have finally been counted and it looks like Democrats in Texas voted overwhelmingly yesterday to secede from the United States of America

“Texas Democrats are tired of Gov. Rick Perry’s partisan politics and of a Republican legislature that seems hell-bent on destroying the rights of hardworking Texans,” said state Democratic spokeswoman Rebecca Acuña.

The vote to secede was a desperate move for the Dems, who fought a hard fight against Republican redistricting that is still tied up in Federal courts. Hidden at the end of the state constitution — after the part where Rick Perry famously said the state could secede from the union — was a footnote that allows for areas of the state to secede as well.

Mas…Desperate Texas Democrats vote to secede from union