Desperate Texas Democrats vote to secede from union

(PNS reporting from TEJAS) The votes have finally been counted and it looks like Democrats in Texas voted overwhelmingly yesterday to secede from the United States of America

“Texas Democrats are tired of Gov. Rick Perry’s partisan politics and of a Republican legislature that seems hell-bent on destroying the rights of hardworking Texans,” said state Democratic spokeswoman Rebecca Acuña.

The vote to secede was a desperate move for the Dems, who fought a hard fight against Republican redistricting that is still tied up in Federal courts. Hidden at the end of the state constitution — after the part where Rick Perry famously said the state could secede from the union — was a footnote that allows for areas of the state to secede as well.

“It’s sad, but this seemed like the only way,” said Antonia Álvarez, who voted for the referendum. “We’ve been trying to live the American Dream in Texas, but with all of these crazy laws and legislators calling my kids ‘terror babies’ it just seemed impossible. I still consider myself a Texan, just not that kind of Texan.”

The Democrats added the measure to secede to Tuesday’s primary ballot at the last possible moment before the vote. Voters approved the measure by a 72% margin. The exact location of this new Democratic Texas will be decided at a party convention later this year, but is rumored to include East Austin, West San Antonio, the border, and other parts of the state that are considered to be Democratic strongholds.

Republican Perry decried the vote, noting that he came up with the idea first and that the Dems were copying him. “This shows that I would have made a great president because of my policy — not because of my hair,” Perry said.

It means three things. First, that our legislative priorities just got a lot lighter. Second, that Texas is going to have to find someone else to blame besides the Democrats. And third, well I forget the third one — oops!

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