Penis size lie sends suitor outside to shiver in the cold

brooklyn(PNS reporting from BROOKLYN) Bank loan officer Leticia Martinez dumped her almost boyfriend Uriel Loya and kicked him out of the house after their first full-on sexual encounter Sunday night.

“He was saying he was gonna give it to me, and that I ain’t never seen nothing like this, and all that bullshit. Ugh! So lame!” Martinez, 25, lamented to PNS.

“Why do guys always have to lie about how big their pipis are?!”

Loya, 28, an architect, was quiet after leaving Martinez’s rent-controlled apartment, shivering, pacing on the sidewalk, looking up at her window, hoping she would give him a chance to explain.

Mas…Penis size lie sends suitor outside to shiver in the cold

Breaking: Latina wins Nobel for discovery of Culo Quotient

culoquotient(PNS reporting from STOCKHOLM)  A Latina math professor was awarded the Nobel Prize in Mathematics Wednesday for her discovery of the mathematical relationship between dress dimensions and the bulbousness of the culo.

“It’s such a surprise! I was just trying to figure out how to shop for clothes that would fit me without making me look like a puta,” said Cal State L.A. Professor Rosie Carrasco, speaking to PNS from the kitchen of her mom’s house in East L.A.

Carrasco’s discovery — the Culo Quotient —  is a rigorous mathematical formula that uses the ratio of the length of a back of a a dress (typically shorter) and the length of the longer front of a dress to derive an accurate measurement of the size of the dress-wearer’s culo.

Her discovery was initially released on the Internet, before a movement sprung up to nominate her for the Nobel Prize.

She is the first Latina to win the prestigious award.

Mas…Breaking: Latina wins Nobel for discovery of Culo Quotient