Breaking: Bolivia says U.S. ‘racially-profiled’ Morales’ jet

not_evo(PNS reporting from LA PAZ) Bolivian Pres. Evo Morales is angry that the United States “racially-profiled” his jet as it was leaving a conference in Moscow and forced it to land in Austria, the whitest country in Europe.

Bolivian Foreign Minister David Choquehuanca, who was mistaken for Morales at a press conference in Vienna, said the incident last week was a clear case of racial profiling, as the first question authorities asked the pilot when they landed was, “Do you know why we pulled you over?”

Austria charged the plane matched the description of another plane that was suspected of smuggling fugitive U.S. intelligence leaker Edward Snowden out of Russia, and that its tail light was out, according to Choquehuanca.

Mas…Breaking: Bolivia says U.S. ‘racially-profiled’ Morales’ jet

Online surge of Constitutional Law, Bible experts slows the Internets

(PNS reporting from SILICON VALLEY) The Internets slowed to a virtual crawl yesterday as millions of experts in Constitutional Law and The Holy Bible took to Twitter and Facebook to educate ignorant netizens about the God-hating freedom-attacking Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage.

“It was definitely a brownout, dude,” according to 18-year-old Jaime “Twitchy” Loftwich, who runs the worldwide computer network from the basement of his mom’s home in Palo Alto. “Hella load,” he emailed PNS. “I haven’t seen ping times like that since Kim Kardashian was rushed to Cedars-Sinai!”

Mas…Online surge of Constitutional Law, Bible experts slows the Internets

Accused rapist? Fugitive spy? Ask your travel agent to ‘Do Ecuador’

(PNS reporting from QUITO) You don’t have to be an accused rapist hiding from the Swedish police like Julian Assange or an alleged spy like Edward Snowden to consider asylum in the República del Ecuador.

That’s the message of the new Do Ecuador marketing campaign from Ecuador’s Ministry of Tourism, which was announced in this high-altitude capital city Monday.

“There are only 15 million of us here in a country that covers 109,000 square miles, so come on down!” gasping-for-breath State Secretary for Tourism Gandalfo Gordo explained between hits of oxygen at a press conference in the newly-remodeled Safe House Hotel, formerly El Motel Seis.

Mas…Accused rapist? Fugitive spy? Ask your travel agent to ‘Do Ecuador’