Photo Courtesy GMC
A couple of years ago, the wifey and I were just outside Albany, Kentucky (pronounced “Al-BANE-EE” down there), when my dad’s 2005 GMC Yukon told me something it had never shared before.
“LOW TIRE PRESSURE” a sensor on the dashboard screamed once I went to turn on the ignition, a sensor I didn’t even know existed.
I went outside to see whether the Yukon’s rudimentary (nowadays) computer was going loco, but dagnabbit, it was true. There was a big nail in the left tire.
We had to drive about 20 miles to the nearest tire shop, where a good ol’ boy patched the hole for $5. “Those GMCs know more than God sometimes,” he said. “Great SUVs.”
A mountain of mashed potatoes, strange lights in the sky, and a mysterious five-note musical phrase mean life on Earth will never be the same after Close Encounters of the Latino Kind. [Video by Marlon Klug.]
Houston: We’ve got tacos — in space!
Congressman Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) has deep feels about his gay brothers and sisters in space because an asteroid killed the dinosaurs and what about extra-terrestrial colonies like Matt Damon and God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. He shared his concerns on the floor of the United States House of Representatives in late May.
Captain’s Blog. StarDate 2016.04.21:
We’ve arrived in the Bozo Sector where I shall begin my campaign to make space great again.
Reports of vari-colored luminous OVNIs and strange beings with big heads are coming from “dozens of eyewitnesses who claim having seen them in broad daylight and under various circumstances. Not merely one, but several of them flying over the city of Santa Rosa, La Pampa [Argentina], and several localities of this region,” according to Inexplicata:
Down on the planet, it’s war. But for two astronauts from “enemy countries,” Orbitas is a trajectory for love. [Short video from Spanish animation school PrimeFrame.]
Oh my God — it’s full of stars!
Coincidence? Copyright violation? The blockbuster film Gravity – with Sandra Bullock and George Clooney – may not be as original as we’ve been led to believe. Check out the 1966 trailer for the Mexican movie Gravedad.
An unidentified flying object has been photographed over the Serra do Gado Bravo in Brazil by two cyclists, according to England’s Alien Disclosure Group:
Witnesses Raimundo Swimming and Igor Geovani managed to take some photos of the mystery object before it shot away at high speed.
According to Swimming and Geovani, the shiny oval-shaped UFO hovered for some 15 minutes.
Guns don’t kill people, opposable thumbs that pull triggers on guns kill people. And that’s why our Alien Overlords have returned to end our evil ways — by ending our evil thumbs. But the invading Thumb Snatchers from the Moon Cocoon (stupid lunar Daleks with green blood) didn’t reckon on Texas Sheriff Huckiss. The law in Texas doesn’t give much slack to illegal aliens.
Pope Benedict XVI may have left the building, but investigators claim something is still rotten in Vatican City. They say the Roman Catholic Church is hiding evidence of extraterrestrial visitors — evidence that includes the remains of a dead ET buried beneath the Vatican.
When you have no gravity but want a sammich on the International Space Station, what’s a hungry astronaut to do? Canuckian spaceman Chris Hadfield makes outer space burritos with peanut butter and honey.
WAIT! WE HAVE ANOTHER SPACE BURRITO VIDEO:
Going to see the space aliens at Area 51, you say? Too late, holmes. They’ve come and gone.
7. Jumping high and fast? Latinos ride low and slow.
6. That’s Mexican jumping BEANS not Mexican jumping balloons.