But wait, there’s more!
You’re not a racist. You open doors for African-Americans, you talk with the Latino guy behind the counter at lunch and you even make friends with that Asian guy at work, the crazy weird one on the fifth floor. But wouldn’t it be cool if you could get credit for all your non-racist activities? Check out iNotRacist — available soon for your iPhone.
It’s no secret: The Grand Old Party needs some new blood.
If the Republican Party, formerly the “Party of Lincoln,” is to succeed nationally, it needs more women, “minorities,” and younger voters. Old angry reactionary white people is not a growing constituency.
Here are Pocho Ocho ways the GOP can bring more young voters aboard:
8. Refer to them as “whippersnappers”
7. Say “dang-fangled” as much as possible
6. Promise 72 virgins to new party members
(PNS reporting from SAN DIEGO) Horton District travel agency Mad Mad World Tours is now offering a new cosmetic surgery/tour package featuring makeovers in beautiful Thailand, the company announced today.
The tours, organized in partnership with the Bod Thai Clinic of Bangkok, Thailand, promise an all-expenses-paid two-week luxury trip to the southeast Asian country and a procedure called a frental nopalectomy. The forehead surgery promotion targets upscale Mexican-Americans.
(PNS reporting from LONDON) Downton Abbey executive producer Gareth Neame said today that newcomer Gary Coleman’s addition to the British show “will bring interesting twists to the drama.” The cute-as-a-button actor has most recently been seen in various American sitcoms and reality programs.
His Downton character, Arnold Jackson, is described as “a charming and charismatic” young man. The long-awaited addition marks the first time Downton has had an adorable black character.
POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz‘s recent article about the word gringo ignited a shitstorm of debate. White people came out of the woodwork to declare how they’ve been traumatized all these years because of it.
This got me thinking about racial slurs and how we use them in these oh-so-modern times. Rand Paul used the term chili-choking pepper bellies the other day when he was talking about immigration reform. What’s the gringo equivalent of a chili-choking pepper belly? Twinky-gagging sugar gut? Sounds stupid, right?
“You cornbread-gobbling butter stomach!”
In Texas, when my parents were still married, we ate fried chicken, mashed potatoes laden with cream gravy, green beans flavored with bits of bacon and buttery light biscuits. Every item on the menu had its own serving dish, and cloth napkins were always used.
“May I have another biscuit, ma’am?” I would say.
“You surely may, Sandra Mae,” my daddy’s mama would reply and everyone would smile. Or we’d have fried pork chops and suck on the salty bones, but only when it was just my mama and me at the dinner table.
In Texas, there were black-eyed peas and ham and all manner of greens and put-up preserves. There was watermelon and homemade ice cream from the hand-crank ice-cream maker. Daddy held a bourbon and water in one hand, and turned the handle with the other, while Mama and my daddy’s mama drank iced tea on the back porch and exchanged polite insults. My grandma didn’t like it that Daddy had married a Mexican.
(PNS reporting from FRESNO) Latino farmworkers say Dodge’s American Farmer Super Bowl commercial is a bunch of manure, according to Claude Rhodappel, spokesman for the Minority Organization for Farmworkers and Obreros (MOFO).
The commercial, directed by filmmaker Ken Burns, used crisp documentary-style photography to celebrate America’s farmers while espousing the values of Dodge’s Ram Truck.
MOFO is objecting to the fact that almost all of the farmers depicted in the ad were white, with the exception of one African-American man, who was included as the “Magical Negro” featured in so many Hollywood productions.
I wrote a uke song called “White Men Are Good” and sang it at a comedy club about 4 years ago. I could feel the audience tense up. Why? Why is there a Black History Month but not a White History Month? Now, that the white race is becoming a minority in America, perhaps we need to make…say, January, White History Month.
The New York Times says, “White births are no longer a majority in the United States.”
I’m just really tired of the white male, and especially the white conservative, Christian male being attacked in cartoons, movies, TV shows, politics, Affirmative Action, etc. It’s like in order to fix the “discrimination” problem, culture flipped the racism from “against blacks” to “against whites”. Why do we have to be “against” anyone? Aren’t we all equal?
The best defense is good offense, pochos. Watch and learn!
If only these undocumented immigrants had seen the video before they got stopped in the middle of Oklahoma!
Randy Newman weighs in on the election with I’m Dreaming of a White President.
Here’s streaming audio and a free download:
It’s Hispanic Heritage Month. Break out a novelty sombrero and a bottle of Patron, because like a taco smothered in salsa, heritage is waay more palpable when it’s smothered in consumerism…
I often encounter people who don’t understand why I identify as Hispanic. I’ve given it a lot of thought and I think it comes down to this: they’re eating the shit sandwich.
The shit sandwich is served-up fresh daily by consumerism. Let’s process culture, strip it of all that gunk we don’t need (like knowledge and power), and behold — now you can buy a poncho at Urban Outfitters. Culture itself has no value outside the bounds of consumption.
Culture is no different than a box of cereal.
Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons why:
8. He banks offshore, too
7. Pat Robertson always blames His storms on liberals
6. Funny, you don’t look Jewish!
Attention white guys: Feeling oppressed? Pissed off that the damn gays and women and minorities are getting too much attention and sympathy? You’ve come to the right video! (NSFW language.)
If you’re black, you don’t know. If you’re brown, you remain in the dark. Red or yellow? Ditto — the Secret World of White People is hidden from your view. Reporter Ed Murphy goes under cover as a white guy to find out what’s behind the white door. The moral of the story? Be kind to your web-footed friends.
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Census figures indicate that minorities make up over half the births of babies in the United States for the first time since the Pilgrims reluctantly started having sex.
These new minority babies will be able to outvote white babies in local and national baby elections, and this has white baby proponents terrified.
White mothers all over the U.S. have been reporting the births of unexplainable brown babies.
“It’s like there a brown horde erupting from inside us,” reported one hysterical white mother, Mrs. while being eyed by her suspicious white husband. Their nearby sexy gardener Julio Ramirez had no comment.
7. They made Sheila E play timbales in the balcony.
6. Meryl Streep has been nominated more than all the Latinos since the Aztecs.
5. The Spanglish animated feature Puss in Boots got pimp-slapped by a Johnny Depp cartoon lizard.
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS), commonly known as “the Academy,” has been recently profiled in the Los Angeles Times and, not surprisingly, exposed as one of the most exclusionary organizations in the United States.
The Academy is 94% white, 77% male and the average age of its voters is 62.
Basically the Academy is full of rich old white guys, and has a hard time explaining why it is not a modern day example of Apartheid.
POCHO researchers, however, have discovered that it’s not as bad as it looks, because there are other organizations that are only slightly less diverse than the Oscars Academy of 2012: