(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) The FBI is warning citizens to be on the lookout for hungry zombies attracted by the brains spewed from the exploding heads of diehard Bernie Bros.
Bernie Sanders supporters’ brains, the Feds said, are piling up on the streets of gentrified neighborhoods across America.
The brainiac explosions followed Sanders’ endorsement of Democratic presidential nomination rival Hillary Clinton this morning.
“These zombies especially love the entitled taste of Bernie Bro brains,” FBI spokesman Whitman “Ken” Jump told a press conference here today (photo). “We’re calling them Zombros.“
In the Great Video Game of Life, a little love from (plus tortillas, cumbia y nopales) can help you escape the zombies and crush the bullies. A true story from Los Cenzontles.
PREVIOUSLY ON LOS CENZONTLES:
Everyone knows zombies ❤️ brains. And Mexican zombies? Tacos de sesos, of course.
Even though America was the country that invented the Internets, U.S. broadband connectivity lags behind the rest of the world. In Spain, fiber-optic broadband from ONO.es is so broad, zombies come to you.
PREVIOUSLY ON SPAIN LOVES ZOMBIES:
When Hell is full, the dead will walk the earth — ¡Los Walking Dead! — on Univsion!
Based on the POCHO story “The Talking Dead: No Habla Zombie” by S.J. Rivera.
Don’t scoff. Don’t laugh. The Mayan Apocalypse End of The World As We Know It is December 21. [SYNCHRONIZE YOUR CHRONOMETERS WITH OUR COUNTDOWN CLOCK IN THE RIGHT COLUMN.] Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard knows what the real deal is, and she says goodbye to her all her Ozzie mates in this video from December 5, which just floated into POCHO headquarters from the Juander Down Under.
When Jan Brewja, governor of the Hate State of Arizona (photo,right), officially announced her absence from the jurisdiction, concerned Americans began a desperate search for LOST GOV, posting flyers on telephone polls and all over the Internets.
Her mysterious disappearance almost overshadowed the shocking revelation of Iowa’s Brian Peterson, who finally had to come to grips with the fact that he watches telenovelas for the boobs, not to learn Spanish like he originally told himself.
And in San Diego, a multimillionaire commissioned a billboard to get himself a new girlfriend for Christmas — a “Christmas Latina.” Our Especial Correspondents uncovered some earlier versions of the billboard, and an intrepid photographer snapped the final version of the message.
Here are the links to the top stories that broke the ñews:
The Walking Dead is a great television series. It has captured that attention of the nation with a human drama centered around less-than-human storylines. But it is not without its own flaws, one of which is the lack of racial diversity on the show.
One of the people I follow on Twitter is Glen Mazzara, the executive producer and one of the writers for The Walking Dead. His Twitter feed usually consists of promos for the show but the other day he posted a link to an article in Slate that criticized the show for only allowing one black guy at a time among the living. The Tweet ? “One Black Guy at a Time.”
The article noted that the show’s only black female character, Michonne, was not allowed to use words to settle conflicts – she always resorts to the sword. Rick, the show’s main character, has used reason to get out of a bad situation on more than one occasion. Why does the black chick always have to be pissed off, silent and bloodthirsty?
The band: El Mató a un Policía Motorizado. The video: Día de Los Muertos. We don’t know why, exactly, but one of the mutants from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Total Recall is involved, and he is not muerto. We advise you, therefore, that the events depicted in this video are probably not a true story but rather a sequence of images strung together to go with the music. That’s how they roll in Argentina.
Zombies like shopping malls, although no one knows exactly why. In the award-winning short Zombies and Cigarettes the ghouls attack a mall in Spain and four people try to survive and escape. Will they find an exit? Will they find true love? Or, failing that, will they be able to get the blood off their clothes? (Warning: Gory violence. Spanish with English titles.)
In this remake of the 16th-Century Spanish-language novel, The Life of Lazarillo de Tormes and of His Fortunes and Adversities, we follow the adventures of young Lazarillo Z. He’s just a poor boy, from a poor family, who has to live by his wits after being sold to a series of cruel masters. In this upcoming production from Spain, everyone’s tryin’ bring the poor kid down, including zombies. And the trailer has a totally unexpected ending. (Spanish with English subtitles. Gory zombie stuff.)
When we heard one of our favorite Hey Vato! episodes (The Tattoo) would be screening at the San Francisco Frozen Film Festival we knew it was time for a special Sabado Ponchonte Saturday Night Video Festival featuring EVERY episode of our favorite web series, in order, so here they are. Hey Vatos! Orale!