(PNS reporting from ALTADENA) Pleased with the reelection of the President, thrilled to provide Obamacare for their employees and acknowledging their loyal workers built a small family firm into a billion-dollar corporation, the three siblings who own the Tres Flores Corporation are giving their company to their staff.
Abelardo, Bernardo and Chichi Flor — 83-year-old triplets who gave Tres Flores their name — started bottling home-made hair oil in a garage in this L.A. suburb over 50 years ago. Tres Flores is now a worldwide operation that employes 600 people and has facilities in Southern California, Louisiana and New Jersey.
“We’re retiring and we don’t have any heirs,” oldest triplet Abelardo (born 20 minutes before brother Bernardo) told a press conference this morning. “We’ve been approached to sell the firm, but we couldn’t think of anyone better to run it than the folks who have been with us all these years.”
“Shaddap, Lardo,” Bernardo responded. “I would have an heir if you hadn’t scared away Selena Valderrama with that Migra Maus costume on Halloween in 1974!”
“Boys, boys, boys!” shouted Chichi. “Don’t make me go all dom on your asses again!”
The transfer of Tres Flores stock to the Employee Stock Ownership Plan is expected to be completed before the end of the year. The gift will make many long-time employees millionaires.
“This is revolutionary,” union head Victor La Siena told PNS. “And not like revolutionary in the Che Guevara kind of way. Well, OK, maybe a little bit.”
Tres Flores, which gained early popularity with California Latinos, has expanded its product line to include more than hair oil, hair tonic, hair brilliantine, hair conditioner, hair gel, hair mousse, hair pomade and hair helper. The most popular new niche products are NASCAR™ Mullet Wax, Judge Dreadlock Juice and Just for Gueys.
“I’m skeptical about the move,” stated Guey Faques, owner of the Occupy Hair Styles Company, a major competitor of Tres Flores. “They’re really just picking the lesser of two evils. My company will be handed down to my beloved French Bulldog, Pickles.”
Critics argue the transfer is borderline socialism.
“Power to the people? More like, power to evil socialist Nazi uprising!” conservative Altadena City Councilman and toupee importer Muffington Conway said. “Everyday I fight socialism, mostly by giving myself a raise while my subordinates go on making the bare minimum. This is a slap in the face,” Conway added.
Conway has begun circulating petition that would enable city blocks just west of the Tres Flores factory to secede from the United States. “Well, sure, the supermarket and the gas station would technically be in another country, but on the plus side so would my mother-in-law,” Conway stated.
Elise Roedenbeck contributed to this report.