Hola, is Tia Lencha here, in my kishen making tacos for the teashers at Mijo’s eschool.
The teashers are having a estrike becoz they want all the niños (thas kids for you pochos) no to be like sardines in the classrooms. Mijo says there are 40 estudens in his class! How can the teasher pay attenshun to so many niños? I can barely pay attenshun to Mijo when my favorite novela is on the televishun.
Mijo is helping me make the tacos for the teashers. He believes in la causa of the estrike. He says is no about the money only for teashers. Even though they get pay caca, those teashers. I always buy them giff cards for Targuess or Estarbus for all the holidays, so they can buy a relaxing candle or sone coffee. I dunno why, but teashers like coffee so much!
PREVIOUSLY ON CRIMES IN THE HOOD:
Mal★Mart is a good neighbor, supporting local communities and creating jobs all across America — with a smile. Just ask Latina entrepreneur Maria Muñoz of Maria’s Flan.
(PNS reporting from BELIZE CITY) The Nohmul complex, an ancient Mayan pyramid in the north of this Central American country, was recently bulldozed by a local contractor who used the crushed rock to “fill” a road. Nohmul was utilized as a ceremonial center 2,300 years ago.
After public outcry from archaeologists, local authorities said they would investigate the demolition.
Belize real estate attorney Alejandro Bolsa de Duchez defended the destruction:
It’s hard to imagine a time when clever satirists like Stan Freberg were regularly on the radio, but there he was, in 1958, with this epic Green Chri$tma$ bit. Santa doesn’t shoot cigarette commercials anymore, but everything else is pretty much right on. This is a fan video utilizing the original vinyl.
8. Gay Marriage Hump
7. Entitlement Mountain
6. Wall Street Falls
5. Corporate Gorge
This short educational video from Mal★Mart explains how the retail chain is a good neighbor, supporting local communities and creating jobs all across America — with a smile. The case study features Latina entrepreneur Maria Muñoz of Maria’s Flan.
Black Friday makes me want to jump off a cliff into a pile of rusty knives. I can’t think of anything worse than waking up at the butt-crack of dawn to go shopping in a crowded mall full of deal-crazed screamy people while the smell of pretzel donuts fills the air and dance beats blast over the sound system.
Seriously, why are they always playing that horrible uplifting dance music? Are they trying to force me to be happy? Shopping is not Happy Time. I don’t want to do the sandbar shimmy while I try on pants, I want to feel awkward and inadequate like God intended.
(PNS reporting from ALTADENA) Pleased with the reelection of the President, thrilled to provide Obamacare for their employees and acknowledging their loyal workers built a small family firm into a billion-dollar corporation, the three siblings who own the Tres Flores Corporation are giving their company to their staff.
Abelardo, Bernardo and Chichi Flor — 83-year-old triplets who gave Tres Flores their name — started bottling home-made hair oil in a garage in this L.A. suburb over 50 years ago. Tres Flores is now a worldwide operation that employes 600 people and has facilities in Southern California, Louisiana and New Jersey.
“We’re retiring and we don’t have any heirs,” oldest triplet Abelardo (born 20 minutes before brother Bernardo) told a press conference this morning. “We’ve been approached to sell the firm, but we couldn’t think of anyone better to run it than the folks who have been with us all these years.”
“Shaddap, Lardo,” Bernardo responded. “I would have an heir if you hadn’t scared away Selena Valderrama with that Migra Maus costume on Halloween in 1974!”
Mitt is the MC with the moneh, byotch! (NSFW at all.)
In his freshman year at Stanford, @MexicanMitt Romney and his Kappa Lota Gelta fraternity brothers made a music video under the name Joe King Carrasco and the Crowns. In retrospect, Dinero seems prophetic, showing the future Bean Capitalist’s magic carpet knack for amassing large amounts of other people’s cash. (The future Mrs. Ann Romney is on keyboards.)
In other news, @MexicanMitt’s campaign released a new poster:
(PNS reporting from SALT LAKE CITY) Gov. Mitt Romney‘s Presidential campaign, which has little support outside its base of old, ignorant white people, picked up a key “ethnic” endorsement late Sunday as the Ferengi-American Political Action Committee (FAPAC) backed his White House bid.
“Frankly,” FAPAC Grand Nagus Ishka told a hastily-called press conference here, “he had us at ‘corporations are people, my friend’ but when we started matching up his beliefs with the Rules of Acquisition we knew he was our guy! We totally admire his greed.”
FAPAC released a photograph (above) of the group after a meeting with the candidate at the majestic Mormon Temple here and passed out a chart showing their similar philosophies: