Protestors target Monsanto’s plans for soy ‘chicharrones’ (updated)

by CHICO REYES on May 17, 2012 in El Now, Pocho Ñews Service

(PNS reporting from MISSOURI) Busloads of pro-pig activists from Texas converged on Monsanto’s St. Louis headquarters here today to protest the chemical/agricultural mega-corporation’s plans to produce extruded soy flaps meant to replace natural chicharrones.

Bearing signs that read “NO PORK NO PEACE,” “WE WANT LARD FOR OUR MONEY” and “SAY NO TO SOY CHICHARRONES,” the so-called Occupy Monsanto movement plans to shut down traffic around the corporate campus until they get a response from Monsanto. [UPDATE: MONSANTO STATEMENT BELOW.]

The group was confronted by counter demonstrators from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) who carried signs proclaiming “PIGS ARE PEOPLE TOO.” Some scantily-clad female PETA protestors threatened a sex strike to protest actual pig parts consumption. “WANT BOINK? NO OINK!” read one sign.

The Texas Association of Chicharrones Distributors (TACD) is organizing the protest.

TACD President Jorge Valles Fuentes explained:

For us, obviously, we don’t want to lose our consumer base. We know soy is the new negro, or pues algo a si, but we need our trabajordes. And this is a Mexican tradition. We lose this, what do we have? We can’t have those pinche gringos taking our food…wait, it’s already happening. Is this going to be printed? Nevermind, forget that last part. We just can’t have this.

A Mexican delicacy, chicharrones are fried and spiced pork rinds, often eaten with beer while watching sports.

The plan to make mock pork rinds follows Monsanto’s foray into the faux pork marketplace with “soyrizo” a chemically-formulated soy version of the popular spicy Mexican chorizo sausages, traditionally made from healthy natural ingredients like pig lips, pig snouts, pig ears and other “variety meats.”

University of Texas food scholar Dr. Diane Mendoza was intrigued by Monsanto’s move:

It’s a billion dollar business. People get a bit gordo, and they need to work out, right? Bueno, this helps the gyms, right? Bueno, some get diabetes, right? Well, they have to see the doctors, right? Some people even steal chicharrones, yes, there’s a market for this. And who gets paid? The pigs. No pun intended, but the cops, you know what I mean. It’s all interconnected, like The Matrix. They were onto something, I tell you, and Laurence Fishburne is just a hunk. We should really have an academic debate on this issue.

UPDATE: Monsanto’s official “Hispanic spokesperson” Vicente Vendido released this statement to the press:

Although we are listening to concerns all around, we have a vegetarian community we need to provide for. My great great grandfather was from Mexico, so I understand what it means to be brown. We want everyone to be happy, and we’ll be even willing to compromise and change the name from Soycharrónes to Soy Charrón.

Chico Reyes is an Associated Press writer based in Austin, TX where he moonlights weekends at a taco trailer on East Austin to “make ends meet,” as he says.

Photo courtesy Cardboard Sign Generator.

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo, Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.

 

{ 2 comments }

Jorge May 18, 2012 at 3:48 PM

Thank God someone is paying attention. Do you know what they make that Soylent from?

Isaac June 7, 2013 at 11:22 AM

Don’t mess with a Mexican’s meat, unless he asks you to.

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