LALO ALCARAZ

Lalo Alcaraz is Jefe-in-Chief of POCHO.

Mitt Romney: Holographic Tupac is your best choice for VP!

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All eyez not on Princess Leia, they are on Tupac
Back from the dead and “live” on stage, Holographic Tupac Shakur was a big sensation at Coachella. Never really alive, and dead on stage, Mitt Romney is a mediocre “meh” across America.

That’s why GOP political insiders are urging the superwealthy robotic candidate to pick Holographic Tupac as his vice presidential running mate.

Holographic Tupac, they note, is way more lifelike than the GOP presidential candidate, although Mitt’s musical skills are nothing to scoff at.

“Tupac could be Mitt’s Joe Biden,” said one Romney campaign insider. “He has the common touch Mitt lacks and he’s big with the bitches. We think he might be the droid we are looking for.”

Dead or not, rapper Tupac Shakur (1971-1996) killed ’em in a short set at Coachella (video below.)

Mas…Mitt Romney: Holographic Tupac is your best choice for VP!

My name is Lady Justice and I endorse this message

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Lady Justice wears a Hoodie for Trayvon Martin. George Zimmerman, the killer of the 17-year-old African-American teenager in Sanford, FLA, has finally been arrested and arraigned — this only after national outrage and agitation by Americans of all races. We hope that Justice is truly blind, and also that she wears a hoodie.

Un chico makes his own arcade: Caine’s Arcade

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This has got to be the most wondrous film about a small Latino businessman ever made. Caine Monroy, a nine-year-old from East L.A.,  built his own DIY arcade out of cardboard boxes from his dad’s car parts store. He charges a dollar for two plays, but you really ought to get the Superpass, which is a good deal. He has designed security features with 99 Cent Store calculators, and an ingenious ticket delivery system that you have to see to believe. The excellent and funny short film is by Nirvan Mullick, who was Caine’s first and only customer — for a little bit, anyhow.

Watch the movie and warm your corazon!

Help Caine’s Scholarship Fund:

Caine’s Arcade online:

 

Romney campaign tries to shake off Etch A Sketch remark

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The Romney campaign is one built on strong policy principles, unless, of course, they need to change them to pander to primary voters.

“Well, I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign. Everything changes,” Romney campaign advisor Eric Fehrnstrom said Wednesday on CNN. “It’s almost like an Etch A Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all over again.”

Shake it up baby!

Ricky Martin Santorum wants Puerto Rico to be blahlingual

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(PNS reporting from POCHO RICO) Former senator and current GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum caused a furor on this island yesterday when he said English would have to be the “main language” for the Puerto Rican Commonwealth to ever become a state.

To be fair, when Santorum told a campaign rally crowd here in San Juan that Puerto Ricans should make English the official language, he didn’t think they could understand English at all.

Mas…Ricky Martin Santorum wants Puerto Rico to be blahlingual

CHONY 2012: Mexican Mitt’s new awareness campaign

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Leading GOP presidential contender Mexican Mitt Romney has started a brand new awareness campaign that is sweeping the social media world: CHONY 2012.

Mexican Mitt is trying to raise awareness about the whereabouts of his favorite pair of Magical Underpants, which he has named “Chony.”

“Please help me find my favorite CHONYs,” said the wealthy Mexi-Mormon on his popular Twitter feed last night.

Their absence from his campaign bus is causing Mexican Mitt much anguish. In various mournful Tweets, he also urged readers to contribute money to his CHONY 2012 campaign, which has since gone viral.

Mas…CHONY 2012: Mexican Mitt’s new awareness campaign

KPCC radio billboard ‘Occupied’ by KPFK radio listener

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Much L.A. radio hay was made over the placing of a KPCC 89.3 FM billboard advertising its “Ideas not ideology” slogan practically on top my radio station’s studios at KPFK 90.7 FM, where I host the Pocho Hour of Power every Friday at 4 PM.

As I walked in today, I was alerted that someone had replaced the KPCC billboard with our own KPFK billboard. Didn’t know we had such a substantial advertising budget. 

Nice job! (above photo by KPFK’s Ernesto Arce) Here’s the before picture:

Mas…KPCC radio billboard ‘Occupied’ by KPFK radio listener

Mexican Mitt has eye on enchilada for Super Taco Tuesday

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With more than a dozen states and 437 delegates in play, Super Tuesday is the biggest contest of the GOP primaries since Newt Gingrich challenged Mexican Mitt Romney to a wife-off.

Mexican Mitt Romney vows to sweep today’s Super Taco Tuesday Republican presidential contest. “I will win not only the whole enchilada, but the additional taco, the rice and beans, plus the salad,” he told a rally. “And the corn or flour tortillas.”

“I am going to herd all the voters to vote for me like a herd of my chivos on my ranch. In other words, I will make sure you are herd. Herded. Whatevers! Ajua!”

Mas…Mexican Mitt has eye on enchilada for Super Taco Tuesday

Rush Limbaugh’s Pocho Ocho excuses for being a douchebag

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Bloated talk show host and leader of the Republican party Rush Limbaugh has been abusing his broadcast microphone by viciously attacking, well, everyone, but most recently 30-year-old law student Sandra Fluke, calling her a “slut” and a “prostitute.”

He has since issued a weak apology, but his show continues to bleed sponsors and radio stations.

Here are his Pocho Ocho excuses for being a douchebag:

8. Skanks don’t get satire
7. Dennis Miller is my new staff writer
6. I jumped the whale

Mas…Rush Limbaugh’s Pocho Ocho excuses for being a douchebag

Meet the Latinos who love Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio

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On Sunday, newsman Jorge Ramos confronted Sheriff Joe Arpaio on Univision’s Al Punto and told Joe he was the face of racism to U.S. Latinos.

The much-maligned Maricopa County cop wouldn’t have any of that. “How do you know they don’t like me?” he asked. “They love me!”

It’s really true, because we found a lot of Latino love for Sheriff Joe Arpaio everywhere we asked.

Mas…Meet the Latinos who love Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio

Forget the Oscars, It’s The Hectors©! Pocho’s 1st Annual Awards

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Behold, The Hectors©, Pocho’s own Oscars, bestowed for Excellence in Mockability.

The Hector© is named for my annoying cousin Hector, who is excellent at ruining family gatherings, especially when he has downed his third 12-pack. He hasn’t seen a film since Blood In, Blood Out.

And the Hector© goes to:

Best Actor in a Tragedy- goes to Newt Gingrich, for his remarkable portrayal of The One Supposedly Sane GOP Candidate

Best Special Effect- goes to Callista Gingrich’s hair.

Most Ignorant- Sen. Rick Santorum, for suggesting that anyone who wants kids to go to college is a “snob.”

Best Sound Effects Editing – Bad Lip Reading, for actually making Ron Paul make sense

Mas…Forget the Oscars, It’s The Hectors©! Pocho’s 1st Annual Awards

Organizations just about as diverse as the Oscars Academy of 2012

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The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS), commonly known as “the Academy,” has been recently profiled in the Los Angeles Times and, not surprisingly, exposed as one of the most exclusionary organizations in the United States.

The Academy is 94% white, 77% male and the average age of its voters is 62.

Basically the Academy is full of rich old white guys, and has a hard time explaining why it is not a modern day example of Apartheid.

POCHO researchers, however,  have discovered that it’s not as bad as it looks, because there are other organizations that are only slightly less diverse than the Oscars Academy of 2012:

National Public Radio

Mas…Organizations just about as diverse as the Oscars Academy of 2012

Pocho Ocho reasons Jan Brewer declined dinner at the White House

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We already know mummy-like AZ Gov. Jan Brewer gets absolutely unraveled whenever she’s near Pres. Barack Obama. But why exactly did she decline to attend tomorrow’s Governor’s Dinner at the White House?

Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons Brewer did not accept the President’s invitation:

8– They could not guarantee her a seat next to the open bar

7– She’s going to be busy looking for heads in the desert

6– Sunday night is when she soaks her skin in formaldehyde

Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Jan Brewer declined dinner at the White House

Happy Birthday, Chespirito!

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POCHO wishes Roberto Gomez Bolaños — AKA “Chespirito” — a happy 83rd birthday.

Chespirito (Little Shakespeare) is Mexico’s most-beloved children’s comic, humorist and performer, creator of the iconic television shows El Chavo and El Chapulin Colorado.

El Chapulin is famously the inspiration for the Simpson’s “Bumblebee Man.” I was fortunate to have met Bolaños and his wife “Doña Florinda” at the Latino Book and Family Festival at Cal State L.A. in 2005.

His characters appeared on Mexican and Latin American television from 1970 to 1995, and at their peak had 350 million viewers. Chespirito continues to bring joy and risas to children all over Latin America and the U.S.

It’s Presidents Day: The good and the not so good (NSFW)

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The Good:

George Washington’s birthday is a federal holiday celebrated on the third Monday of February in honor of George Washington, the first President of Los United Estates, AKA The Father of Our Country. Some people call it Presidents Day (sometimes spelled Presidents’ Day or President’s Day.)

The Not So Good:

Dave Chappelle isn’t so sure about George’s special day, right there in the middle of Black History Month (NSFW Video):

Mas…It’s Presidents Day: The good and the not so good (NSFW)

Mexican Mitt Romney: ‘Sheriff Paul Babeau’s GAYDAR got to the bottom of the illegal problem’

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Anti-Immigrant Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu has resigned as Mitt Romney’s Arizona GOP Primary Campaign Co-Chair.  Sheriff Babeu is facing explosive allegations that he tried to intimidate a former Mexican immigrant lover with deportation threats. Especial Guest Columnist Mexican Mitt Romney offers his Opinión:

Sheriff Babeu has stepped down from his volunteer position with the campaign so he can spend more time fighting with his gay mojado boyfriend.

I am so sad that Sheriff Babeu had to geu.

But he has a bigger fight on his hands than getting me elected President of the United Estates. Babeu is going to focus more on wrestling the problem of illegal immigration to the ground.

Sheriff Babeu is right when he says America’s head is buried in a pillow over immigration. Sheriff Babeu has always said he wants to get ahead of the mojados, and inside the illegals. Inside their minds! Ajua!

Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney: ‘Sheriff Paul Babeau’s GAYDAR got to the bottom of the illegal problem’

Standing While Brown: A white lady tried to get me to valet her car

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I was not dressed like this

Representing Pocho.com, I was a panelist along with a table full of young, savvy Latino digital media types as part of last night’s Digital LA Latino Content event.

Afterwards, I finished up networking and headed outside to leave. As I waited to get my car in front of the host restaurant in Beverly Hills, you’ll never guess what happened: A white lady tried to give me her car valet ticket. Twice.

You’ve heard this story a thousand times before; it’s a Latino cliché. Or is it a tradition?

Anglo person assumes brown person is a worker, there to serve them.

An old Chicano chestnut goes something like this:

I’m a Mexican-American, am married to a white woman, and I was mowing our lawn in front of our nice, big home. A white lady pulled up in a car and asked, “How much do you charge to mow a lawn?” My answer: Nothing. The lady of the house lets me sleep with her.

Mas…Standing While Brown: A white lady tried to get me to valet her car

Latino Cupid Valentine’s Day cards for tough times

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That little love scamp Latino Cupid presents his special Valentine’s Day cards for tough times. As they say around here, Happy Valentimes Day! Catch more of Latino Cupid’s escapades around this time every year at La Cucaracha, the nationally-syndicated comic strip by me, Pocho’s Jefe-In-Chief Lalo Alcaraz. Sign up for free La Cucaracha comics daily at GoComics.

Mississippi: Rename Gulf of Mexico to ‘Gulf of America’

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Mississippi state representative Stephen Holland

A Mississippi state lawmaker introduced legislation Tuesday that would rename the Gulf of Mexico the “Gulf of America.”

According to state Rep. Stephen Holland’s bill, the name would apply only to his home state, much to the relief of embarrassed neighboring states.

Ironically, Holland chose to rename this international body of water “Gulf of America,” not understanding that “America” is the name of the whole American hemisphere, mainly because the word “hemisphere” is twice as long as most words the average Mississippian legslator understands.

Mas…Mississippi: Rename Gulf of Mexico to ‘Gulf of America’

Clean sweep: Santorum not pooped out yet

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(PNS reporting from THE HEARTLAND) Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum swept the nominating contests in Missouri, Minnesota and Colorado Tuesday night, claiming, “My campaign is far from pooped out.”

The fiercest gay-baiting candidate in recent history, Santorum now has four victories under his belt in the GOP race, more than any other closeted candidate. “People were saying all along I had Big Mo, but they meant I was a big ‘mo.”

Mas…Clean sweep: Santorum not pooped out yet

FLOTUS on healthy food for Chicano kids: Eat like Puerto Ricans

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First Lady at Goya photo-op (screen capture abcactionnews.com)

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Joining First Lady Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! initiative, Goya Foods, the largest Hispanic-owned U.S. food company, will help promote MiPlato, the USDA program designed to encourage children to make healthier eating choices.

“Today’s announcement is about eliminating diabetes in the Mexican-American community by helping them make better choices, and, with the help of Goya, forcing them to eat like Cubans and Puerto Ricans,” Obama said Friday.

“Everything that Goya is doing,” she said, “centers around a simple idea: this country’s Mexican children need to be told what to eat by a corporate conglomerate that mass-produces Caribbean food.”

Obama joined Goya president Bob Unanue and leading Latino organizations at a Tampa supermarket to promote healthy eating nationwide with a special focus on the incorrectly-nourished Mexican-American community.

Mas…FLOTUS on healthy food for Chicano kids: Eat like Puerto Ricans

Moonbase issue casts shadow on final GOP debate

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(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) The moon was high on the debate agenda last night as Gov. Mitt Romney and former Rep. Newt Gingrich crossed lightsabers with both candidates fighting hard to capture the crucial lunar vote.

The encounter, held at Farpoint Station Laser Tag in Orlando, was the 79th GOP debate and the last before Tuesday’s primary election.

Gingrich, his arms unfurled, set the tone by calling for the establishment of a permanent base on the moon by the year 2020. Gingrich has also set this date as a deadline for establishing a new marriage with a heretofore unexplored Mrs. Gingrich #4.

Warning that the Chinese would dominate outer space if the U.S.A. does not step up in the moonbase race, Gingrich said “Frankly, the Chinese can probably set up the first Panda Express on the moon in 30 minutes or less.”

Mas…Moonbase issue casts shadow on final GOP debate

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