Pocho Ocho top reasons for Brazil vs Alemania futbol FAIL

brazilsadTuesday’s disastrous Brazil-Germany FIFA2014 World Cup futbol match, which ended in Germany whipping the host country 7-1, has saddened the nation (photo.) And on Wednesday, Brazil’s soccer fans were struggling to understand what exactly went wrong.

We analyzed press and social media reactions and translated from the Portuguese to bring you their Pocho Ocho top reasons for Brazil’s FAIL:

8. Blame it on the bossa nova, with its magic spell.

7. All those pesky Hitler clones on the Brazil team let Germany win.

6. Alemania? We thought we were playing Ally McBeal!

5. She passed and we smiled, but we just didn’t see.

4. Distracting smell of diesel exhaust fumes from German players’ ears.

3. Team got hung up trying to pronounce “Xuxa.”

2. The Germans put too much English on the ball.

And the numero uno reason Brazil lost to Germany is…

“Brazilian Wax” guy was late to locker room.

There’s a whole Tumblr of nothing but sad Brazilians here.

Lalo Alcaraz, Victor Payan, and Eres Nerd contributed to this report.