Tuesday’s disastrous Brazil-Germany FIFA2014 World Cup futbol match, which ended in Germany whipping the host country 7-1, has saddened the nation (photo.) And on Wednesday, Brazil’s soccer fans were struggling to understand what exactly went wrong.
We analyzed press and social media reactions and translated from the Portuguese to bring you their Pocho Ocho top reasons for Brazil’s FAIL:
8. Blame it on the bossa nova, with its magic spell.
7. All those pesky Hitler clones on the Brazil team let Germany win.
6. Alemania? We thought we were playing Ally McBeal!
Is the feber ju get from watching the World Cups and being so mad at the referees and Holland and wonder who put brujeria on Brazil, that ju want to hit the telebision with a cuchara from the kishen. But I watch the games anyways.
The only gway I can watch the games now is to drink some micheladas to make me want to hit the telebision less times. So today I tell ju how to make chilaquiles to go with the beers that ju need in order to watch the games of the third place and the finals this week.
First the ingrediens:
- Tortillas (the more estale the better, like the U.S. defense except for Howard’s)
- Corn oil (slippery oil like the FIFA)
How’s your Portuguese? The LiveLeak uploader says this high-tech balsero is yelling “Why do we need hospitals, roads, schools and public security if we have the World Cup? Give [me] my beer to enjoy this shit!”
Futbol fans went topless to flaunt their ripped torsos for the camera and World Cup FIFA Fan Fest crowds in Sao Paolo Saturday.
PREVIOUSLY ON SOCCER:
We don’t know why this video is called Mexican Elephant, or why the commentary is in Hebrew, since we think this footage was shot in Thailand. Nevertheless, we agree with the announcer: Shabbat Shalom! !שַׁבָּת שָׁלוֹם
(PNS reporting from HUNTINGTON PARK, CALIFAS) Hundreds of local athletic supporters — fans of the Mexican World Cup futbol team — celebrated El Tri’s 3-1 victory over Croatia Monday afternoon (photo, above). The celebration was mostly peaceful and Huntington Park police said only four fans were arrested — three for disorderly conduct and one for leaning like a cholo in the wrong direction.
POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.
When American Latinos watch Spanish-langugage FIFA broadcasts from Brazil, some are shocked by the casual use of words like “greña” and “moreno” that would be considered offensive in the U.S. This report from Public Radio International explores the controversy:
PREVIOUSLY ON SPANISH TV:
Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano continues on his World Cup kick with a discussion of the Mexican team’s performance in their tied match with Brazil and the spectators’ habit of calling the opposing team putos. [NSFW adult language.] P.S.: Spoiler warning: You may be a puto if….
Inspired by L.A. Mayor Eric Garcetti’s L.A Kings F-bomb on live TV, on-the-air sports presenters in Ireland dropped the bomb during halftime of Tuesday’s Mexico-Brazil match. [NSFW adult language if someone there at your job can understand the thick Irish brogues. It’s more like “fookin” or something.]
(PNS reporting From NEW YORK CITY) The Jumbotron in Times Square in New Jack City flashes news of a g o o o o a l by USMNT forward Herculez Gomez in World Cup competition against Ghana and Manhattan passersby react as only New Yorkers can.
In the World Cup for the Futbol Team with the Most Twitter Followers, the winner is Selección Mexicana, @miseleccionmx on the Tuiter:
Attention assorted Latinos and gringos: Are you stuck in Buenos Aires far away from home when you’d rather be watching the World Cup with your amigos? Come on down to La Fábrica del Taco (LFDT) at either Gorriti 5062 Palermo or Baez 246 Cañitas for comida, cerveza and futbol! Maybe you’ll miss home a little less. [“La Fábrica del Taco,” they write on their SoundCloud page, “es una taqueria bien chingona en Buenos Aires, Argentina. La única y autentica taqueria al sur de la frontera. Invitamos a todos los melo.”]
Does your Argentinan taqueria have a SoundCloud page? The Taco Factory does:
The Association of Prostitutes of Minas Gerais is teaching English to sex workers to help them deal with foreign customers. The state will host a match between Costa Rica and England and expects horny hordes of visiting futbol fans. Monday’s class, run by Igor Fuchs, was the last before today’s formal start of the games in Sao Paolo. [NSFW adult language and images.]
Along with normal conversational vocabulary, the students also learn words which might be used during encounters with clients. Sex work has been legal in Brazil since the year 2000.
Ex-Daily Show contributor John Oliver (Last Week Tonight on HBO) has some excellent World Cup coverage, too:
It’s that Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano guy again, this time explaining why Mexican-American soccer (futbol) fans root for the Mexican team even if the game is against Los United Estates. Arellano, looking a little green, claims it’s one of the cultural peculiarities gabachos hate most about Mexicanos.
PREVIOUSLY ON FUTBOL:
Riots in Rio continue as the country prepares for the World Cup next year. Self-appointed “hacktivist” group Anonymous Brasil has its own spin on events.
This German TV network news report covers the grueling Siesta World Cup competition, which always seems to be always won by Latinos.
Thanks to our friends at LatinoRebels.com for the news tip!