(PNS reporting from LOS ANGELES) Repercussions from the Zimmerman acquittal — which officially confirmed suspicions that nighttime walks to the store by brown and black children are risky, potentially fatal excursions — are already hurting area youngsters, according Avian-American activists.
“Trayvon Martin was just a kid walking home from the local store with Tribbles and a drink, and he ended up dead. That’s troubling,” said Southern California Birds of A Feather (BOAF) regional director The Rev. Al Pigeon (photo) in carrier email to PNS. “Now Moms are afraid to let their kids go out and my flock is having a hard time making a living.”
“Where do you think our food comes from?” he wrote. “Berries? Minnows in the Los Angeles River? Delivery from Urban Spoon? Don’t be a bird brain! Our loaves and Pepperidge Farm Goldfish are out on the street. If it wasn’t for Spittles and Flamin’ Hot Dingoes crumbs on the well-trod path between home and the 7-Eleven we’d have shit to eat. Now that’s what we call a ‘Valley of the Shadow of Death!’ And what about the children?”
East Los BOAF chapter head Popocatepetl Paloma agreed.
“Here in my barrio, I’d estimate 20-25% of our diet has just pinche disappeared along with the kids! Bits of Takis dropped on the sidewalks and left in discarded bags — GONE! Chewed-up elotes, free-range churro pieces — missing in action! Do you know how many extra daily trips I need to make to find enough food to regurgitate down my babies’ gaping maws? I’m a single Mexibird mom with three jobs! These White Hispanics are killing the children!”
From Malibu, this statement from BOAF chapter vice president J.L. Seagull:
We’ve found that gluten-free kale chips are an excellent source of protein for our fledglings, and now the pristinely-clean surface of the Whole Foods parking lot is, well it’s hard to describe it, but it’s quinoa a drag.
But James Crow, Esq., head of the Florida anti-Avian-American group Flock You, emailed reporters with information he said showed the verdict will increase the likelihood of more deaths at the hands of white people.
“Every time I see pigeons on the street at night I fear for my life, and that’s why I carry a gun,” he wrote. “Thank you, Florida jury, for letting me know I can go ahead and shoot one now.”
The Rev. Al Pigeon photo by EveryDayFunnyFunny.